Reverse Thinking

Loved up on Eurovision

Just as I was going out on Saturday night my wife turns on the television and what I thought was a Channel 4 spoof program came on.

My initial idea was that someone like Ricky Gervais was running a joke version of the Eurovision Song Contest along the lines of the This is Spinal Tap rockumentary at the same time the reality version was running.

Bubble-gum pop, 1970s space-age costumes, impossible hair-styles, fake sexual excitement, and meaningless lyrics about lurve....wait a minute....this is the real Eurovision Song Contest....isn't it?

As a a life-long student of human fakery, here's the thing that struck me the most: the plastic make-up, ghastly smiles and warbling voices prove that you can't fake body language no matter how many coaches you have!

You won't convince people that you are overcome by passion if you haven't got any. The reason for that is that Bodymind instinctively detects insincerity by pattern-matching non-verbal signals from other people against its database of emotional behavior. And when it notices fakes it will cue an emotional release like disgust.

Here is another list of TV people with fake emotions that leave me with laughter, disgust and pity:

• BBC newscasters 'flirting' with each other on the morning news with artificial smirks
• Up-for-election politicians looking at the autocue while they deliver 'an inspiring message' (and - yes - that does include Barack Obama)
• Actors dropping their jaw muscles when they want to look 'concerned' (now there's an attitude that is very difficult to fake)
• Members of the British Royal family hiding their boredom in public
  
• On-screen counsellors staring into the camera and pretending to feel empathy for anonymous callers

Image by proteusbcn

Person Ricky Gervais

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Loved up on hormones

You may not realise it yet but the 21st century will be remembered as an era when we discovered how human beings actually work in terms of brain science.

That's because we now have MRI scanners that can track every electrochemical change in the brain while we are thinking, emoting, deciding, suffering or just bonding to another human being. And photograph them.

The newest discoveries have focused on Oxytocin, a hormone that is manufactured in the Hypothalamus.

It used to be thought that all that Oxytocin was for was to ease birth contractions and release milk during breast-feeding.

We now know that it does a lot more than that. Indeed, it seems to be one of the key chemicals that Bodymind uses to cue feelings associated with nurturing children, learning to trust, and falling in love. People who experience surges in Oxytocin levels after the birth of a child develop powerful, and instinctive, bonds with their children. Oxytocin is also released during orgasm - which is one reason you should be choosy about your sexual partners.

Oxytocin is also used to create cellular memories about people with whom we have bonded before. We know that because a mouse low in oxytocin levels won't remember other mice it has already mated with. Nor, I suspect, would it remember much about its offspring.

And you can now buy Oxytocin in a nasal spray! It is usually given on prescription to pregnant women but some researchers have found other uses for it.

• It reduces anxiety in people with social phobias
• It helps people forgive and forget mistakes their partners have made
• It speeds up new friendships
• It increases pleasure during massage, foreplay and sex
• Some people are even predicting that Oxytocin could become another club drug!

In another article I will explain why Oxytocin injections may not be a good idea for some people.

What do you think?

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Deep, deep relaxation

This is the first in a series of podcasts I am releasing on this blog.

They were originally created for some of my clients but they are free for you to use also.

This one is about 15 minutes long and creates a state of deep relaxation by systematically working through each area of the body and loosening up muscle groups.

It has three basic uses:

A. It can help you reconnect to your body

B. It can quieten down Headmind

C. It can reduce anxiety.

Let me know how you get on with it.

Also, if you have any special requests for other tapes then let me know and I will consider them.

Download Relaxation.WMA

When you click on the above link it takes you to another page. Click on the > Start button at the top left of the page. Click on the down arrow at top right of the page to save the audio file to your hard disk.

This tape could take some time to download so please be patient.

Letting go of your internal control freak

Readers of this blog will know that I am usually puzzled by the way in which Headmind - the intellect - constantly goes wrong. Engulfing us in worry, guilt, perfectionism, do-goodery, paranoia and obsessions of various kinds. It's a continuing mystery to me that conscious minds keep going wrong in that way.

Triggering stress, illness, burnout and breakdown.

One huge problem I notice with people who have Stress is that they are usually being driven nuts by their Internal Control Freak. Which often manifests as a semi-conscious inner voice that vetoes any activity that looks remotely like taking them out of their comfort zone. I sometimes call this freak 'the imp on your shoulder'.

My good friend Kathleen Haden - who also happens to be a gifted practitioner of Reverse Therapy recently told me a story about one of her clients, who found a great way to silence the imp.

Kathleen's client was working with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, and her Internal Control Freak was giving her a really hard time with it's do-nothing philosophy.

For example, it would tell her:

• It was too risky to be honest with her partner because he might leave her.
• Too scary to go back to work - she wouldn't be able to cope.
• Not worth bothering to go for a night out in case she had a 'relapse'.
  

So Kathleen instructed her to let go of 'The Need to Know'. Because none of us can predict what is going to happen next, and if she could let go of Headmind's need to predict, control, and run away from, the future, she would be able to go with the flow, taking each moment, and each challenge, as it came up.

Come the next session and the client tells her:

" Kathleen....I've been letting go of 'the need to know' and my symptoms have gone!"

The client had simply been practicing Awareness - and, since she was busy keeping her attention on the Now, she had effectively sidelined her internal control freak. And when she did that she reduced stress. And when she did that her Bodymind turned off the symptoms it had been using to warn her to stop stressing out.

You can't fight the imp, or try to argue with it (like Cognitive Therapists try to do). Nor should you try and 'reason' with it. For the simple reason that the Control Freak is impervious to argument. It is only interested in power.

Each time you listen to, or argue with, or obey the freak you feed it with more power. So don't bother. Just direct your attention elsewhere. And when the imp realises you aren't listening anymore, it will shut up.

"When a control freak loses control all you are left with is the freak."

Anonymous British Government Minister on Gordon Brown.

Person Kathleen Haden

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Your body knows best

This is the third in the series on Bodymind wisdom - or Emotional Intelligence, if you prefer that description.

In this article I want to teach you how you can use cellular memories to make emotionally intelligent decisions for yourself.

In my last article on Cellular memories I wrote that the brain stores emotionally-charged information on every significant event that has ever happened to you. Each and every one of those experiences comes with an emotional tag so that - if a similar experience comes around again -  Bodymind can signal to you what kind of experience it might turn out to be. Your Body also sends you one of these signals when you are making a decision about whether to go for it or not. Using its database of experiences from the past it might flag up:

1. That it will most likely be a boring, frustrating waste of time.
2. That it could be worthwhile, but also scary, as you are plunging into the unknown
3. That it will be an exciting opportunity.

Each emotional tag flags up an action you should follow next.

For example:

1. Find something better to do
2. Do it - but get advice from experienced people before you start
3. Get going - now!

Generally, you are either going to get a Go-Ahead signal (situation No 3), a No-Go signal (situation 1), or a mixed signal (2).

• Go-Ahead signals are, as a rule, pleasant, arousing, and exciting.
• No-Go signals are uncomfortable, flat, and discouraging.
• Mixed signals are a combination of the two.

You can use these signals to make decisions.

Like this:

1. Attune to your body
2. Imagine yourself going ahead and doing what you plan to do. Be sure to imagine being in your body with the new experience happening all around you.
3. Check whether you get the Go-Ahead signal or some other signal.
4. Now imagine that you have chosen NOT to do it and are doing something else (e.g. staying in same job, same relationship, same home, etc). Once again, be sure to imagine that you are in your body.
5. Check the signal again.

Notes:

1. You may get mixed signals (e.g. scary-exciting) that say 'Go Ahead' but exercise caution
2. You may get no signal at all. This tells you either that you don't yet have enough information to make a decision or that, deep down, you know the opportunity is never going to  happen.

Good hunting!

Image by Leonard Low

 

Cellular memories

This is the second in the series on Bodymind wisdom.

The first was Your body remembers.

Today I want to write about cellular memories. - your body's intelligence system.

A cellular memory can be stored in brain cells, in the glands, in the blood, the gut, the muscles - in fact anywhere in the body. In the Immune system, for example, T-cells  'remember' previous encounters with infectious cells which they recognise from their structure. If they meet up with them again, they attack them.

Cellular memories that relate to your prior learning about life are stored in the brain in the Hippocampus. Packets of information from the senses are relayed on to there, so that it can compare them to its memory bank of past events. Each of these experiences is tagged with an emotion. Some of these emotions are simple, hot, basic (i.e. anger). Some are complex, subtle and haunting (i.e. the nostalgic mood that comes over you when you revisit your old school). When it has found a match it signals a release of emotion to tell you, in emotional code, what kind of experience it is, and what you need to do about it. I have written before about this emotional coding here.

For example, the data sent to your Hippocampus might contain the information that your partner has just said 'so what?' for the 5th time in 7 minutes, with a flat voice tone, a bored expression and body language that suggests that s/he wants you to just shut up. Depending on the type of relationship you have (and the Hippocampus will have that information too) you might be sent an anger signal (time to start asking for more respect), frustration (time to change the subject), or sadness (your relationship is breaking up and you need to get together with other people).

The same mechanism can work in a more proactive way. So if a new opportunity comes along, Bodymind (working through the Hippocampus) will create neurochemical releases that signal whether you have the thumbs up to go ahead (because similar risk experiences in the past proved rewarding) or whether you should run in the other direction. I will write more about this mechanism - and how you can utilize it to make decisions - in my next article.

One interesting thing about the Hippocampus is that it shrinks in size if people give up on life. That's because it constantly needs new work to do. It gets that from new experiences: excitement, risk, challenge, growth. Retired, depressed, traumatised, imprisoned, disabled, or rigidly conformist people often show signs of neural degeneration in this respect.

In other words, if you don't - or can't - grow, you die. 

 

The body remembers

This is the start of a new series on Bodymind.

I want to write about how your body remembers the experiences that weren't good for you, recalls the emotions associated with them, and reminds you what you need to do if they happen again.

I will also be writing about how you can use cellular memories to recall the experiences that have been useful for you in the past.

Let's start with a story from the history of Psychology. Specifically with the work of Claparede, a Swiss Psychologist, who worked with patients suffering from brain damage in the Salpetriere, an asylum in Paris.

One of his patients suffered from a type of amnesia that left her incapable of forming new memories. 

What Claparede experienced when he met with her was this:

Each day Claparede would say 'hello' to her and introduce her to his colleagues. Fifteen minutes later she would forget who he was. So he would have to go through the same round of introductions over and over.

Now, Claparede noticed that this woman always 'remembered' how to get to the breakfast room in the morning, even though she couldn't tell other patients how to get there. In short, her Bodymind remembered what to do when Headmind didn't.

So Claparade tried an experiment.

When he greeted her next he concealed a pin in his palm and shook her hand.

The next day, his patient greeted him with the usual blank welcome— no memory of yesterday's meeting, no memory of yesterday at all— until Claparède extended his hand. Without being able to explain why, the woman refused to shake. She could not recall Claparede's name or his face but, unconsciously, she recalled the pain.

Nowadays, we call this type of remembering implicit memory. And implicit memories are stored in the cells, some in the brain, some in the immune system, some, even, in the muscles. Next up I will write about what these have to do with emotional states.

The philosophy of the bleedin' obvious

This is the third and final article in the series on religion.

The first one was Why Religion Doesn't Work For Me.

The second one was A God of Passion.

But let me start this one with a story about one of my spiritual heroes.

When Krishnamurti was 14 it was 'discovered' that he was a kind of 'Messiah' (despite the fact that his new worshippers thought he had 'a slightly moronic look'). He was brought up by the Theosophists and prepared for his future career as the New World Teacher. He became the centre of a cult.

But when he was 34 he gave it all up. Telling his followers that he was not a teacher, not a guru, and that there was not even such a thing as religion. In fact he told them a story about the Devil:

"The devil and a friend of his were walking down the street, when they saw a man pick up something from the ground, look at it, and put it away in his pocket. The friend said to the devil, 'What did that man pick up?' 'He picked up a piece of the truth,' said the devil. 'That is a very bad business for you, then,' said his friend. 'Oh, not at all,' the devil replied, 'I am going to help him organize it [into a new religion]."

For Krishnamurti 'truth is a pathless land.' No one can guide another towards the truth, it has to be earned for yourself. He said:

"I do not want followers, and I mean this. The moment you follow someone you cease to follow Truth. I am not concerned whether you pay attention to what I say or not. I want to do a certain thing in the world and I am going to do it with unwavering concentration. I am concerning myself with only one essential thing: to set man free. I desire to free him from all cages, from all fears, and not to found religions, new sects, nor to establish new theories and new philosophies."

Now Krishnamurti spent the next 56 years of his life (he died in 1986) as a sort of anti-guru teaching only one thing: Awareness.

That's it: nothing else. Just Awareness. Like I wrote once before: Life is so ridiculously simple that a child of 5 could get it. And its right there in the teachings of Buddha and Christ: just sit on your bum and train your awareness on what's going on right now.

Here are some of the things I have learned about Awareness.

• It is not detachment. You are still involved in experience but you are also aware of how and what you do when you are in it.
• Awareness is not thinking. Awareness notices thoughts come up and waits for them to process and then go away.
• It does not require meditation (in fact, some types of meditation - the ones that try to 'empty the mind' just get in the way).
• Awareness means witnessing everything that happens to you, without interfering in the flow of events. You observe how you move, how you walk, how you eat, how you talk.
• Practicing Awareness makes you intensely aware of your living in the moment - now.
• You also become more emotional, not less.
• States of joy, peace and serenity, become more and more 'normal'.
• Worry becomes hard to do.
• As you develop Awareness you cease to live in the past and in the future.
• You become more and more grounded, centred in your body,
• You also become increasingly averse to words like 'God', 'Love', 'Human existence', 'Fate', 'Heaven', etc.
• Suffering becomes more bearable - you are aware that that experience, too, will pass.
• Because the practice of Awareness makes you less intolerant, and less judgmental, you become more and loving and compassionate towards others.
• Once in a while this state of Awareness opens up and expands - and for a split-second you go into a God-like state of consciousness (sorry, I can't really explain it better than that - the whole thing is beyond words). It is utterly blissful.

         

"Do not try to become anything.
            Do not make yourself into anything.
            Do not be a meditator.
            Do not become enlightened.
            When you sit, let it be.
            When you walk, let it be.
            Grasp at nothing.
            Resist nothing.
And if you haven't wept deeply, you haven't even begun to meditate." 

Ajhan Chah