12 best ways to stay calm

This is the last but one in the series on handling rage.

Today we are focusing on how you can manage your life so that you don't have to go berserk.

Remember that rage happens when people become victims and can't deal with their emotional imperatives any more. If you work every day with your emotions and Bodymind there is no earthly reason why you should flip.

Here are my twelve best ways to deal with frustration before you go nuclear:

Stop being a victim.

Regaining your personal power means looking at the things you can influence, and leaving the rest well alone. Focus on what you can change and leave the rest.

The Serenity Prayer comes to mind here:

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.       

Exercise.

You may have noticed that most of the people in the videos are either unfit or overweight. There is, in fact, a lot of evidence to show that people who don't exercise get more stressed (and enraged) than those who don't. Which brings us to the next point:

Endorphin release.

I have already written about this subject elsewhere in this blog. The more of these cute little morphine pills your brain produces, the less likely you are to lose it. Frequent, regular exercise has so far been shown to be the best way to make that happen.

Relaxation.

When we live most of the time in our heads we are habitually tense and on edge - waiting for (and even setting up) an ever-fresh supply of crises which feed the victim pose. As a result your Bodymind starts to use adrenalin instead of glucose energy in order to keep going. Each time you consciously relax you are sending a signal to Bodymind that it can stand down from that. If you need help relaxing you can download my podcast on deep relaxation here.

Slow down.

If you are constantly in a rush then you are not going to be efficient at what you do. You will make mistakes and, the more you make, the more your frustrations will mount. Interestingly, I have noticed that people who move too fast, or speak too fast, will tend to be Headmind types. One thing we teach people in Reverse Therapy is to move and speak at least 50% slower than the usual speed.

Learn to live in the moment

This is really a continuation of the previous solution. When you practice Awareness you will automatically go into your body-rhythmic approach to life, rather than the headless chicken one that belongs to headmind. The practice of tai chi, yoga, qi gung, breath meditation, etc are all excellent ways of fostering this.

Avoid wind-ups.

No matter how hard you try there are always going to be people and situations that press your buttons. So give them a body-swerve instead. If Call Centres do it to you then don't call them. If there are TV programs that get you going, then don't watch them. If you have annoying people in your life then don't visit.

Look for a better way.

If there are situations that regularly wind you up and you can't avoid them at all then find a better way. I recall one client of mine who used to get completely stressed out by rush-hour traffic and, when she got home, would indulge in some rage behavior on her children and her partner before reaching for the bottle. That problem was partly solved when she negotiated flexible working hours instead of having to leave at 5 o'clock.

Cut down on stimulants.

If you are overdosing on caffeine or another adrenalin trigger, then cut it out. You are sending entirely the wrong signal to Bodymind.

Improve your work-life balance.

As a rough rule of thumb, your body needs twenty minutes back for every hour of work you do (that includes work you do for your partner, your children, your family, and your home). So, if you work a thirty-five hour week you need to be spending around twelve hours a week doing things with yourself and other people that keep you fit, happy and sane.

Practice saying 'No'.

For more on using this very useful word see 10 ways to get your life back.

Move on from dead-ends.

If, despite your best efforts to solve the situation, you are still trapped in that dead-end job or relationship, then start making plans. It may take time for you to extract yourself, but do something every day to move on to something better.

Comments

[mark]

Hi John. No worries if you do not want to post this, but seeing the Jekyll and Hyde poster on this post, I just thought I would send you a link to my blog that may be of interest.

http://coolynooly69.wordpress.com/2007/06/26/jekyll-hyde-a-metaphysical-interpretation/