Recently, I have been writing about psychologies that can help people solve real-life problems instead of theorizing about how they got screwed up (Psychoanalysis) or thinking about thinking and making lists, rather than taking action (Cognitive Therapy).
Fundamentally, the kind of psychology I favour is one that focuses on possibilities rather than problems. On strengths rather than weaknesses. On the present rather than the past. And on the new directions available to you rather the problems you are stuck with right now.
When I first started out in therapy in the 1980s this focus on solutions rather than on problems came out of Neuro-Linguistic Programming. Later on, I learned a lot from Richard Bandler, and also from Bill O'Hanlon.
When I developed Reverse Therapy I retained that focus on the options that helped people get well rather than the Headmind blocks that kept them stuck in Illness, Depression or Anxiety.
Here is a list of some of the most common traps that keep you in problem-territory rather than solution territory:
- Attention deficit ('I am ill/depressed/stressed/dysfunctional 24/7')
- Personality theories ('I am an over-sensitive, depressive, addictive personality')
- Comparisons ('Other people cope - so why am I having panic attacks?')
- Trauma ('I'll never get over this')
- Guilt ('If people knew the truth about me they'd never get over this')
- Self-pity ('I've tried so hard...')
- Waiting for Santa Claus ('I've tried so hard...when is Santa going to come and rescue me?')
- Defeatism ('I've done everything I can...there's no point trying any more.')
- Martyrdom ('One day people will appreciate how hard I tried.')
- Cynicism ('Nothing makes any difference and people who tell me otherwise are deluded.')
Now here is the most important point:
Focusing your attention on, or talking about, or trying to resolve these problems directly, will get you - or your therapist - absolutely nowhere!
Why? Because your attention expands according to what you pay attention to. If you feed Headmind with problems it will magnify them. If you give it possibilities to look at, it will magnify those, too.
By contrast, here are some option-focused questions which could guide your attention towards something better:
- When was the last really good day you had and what did you do to make it that way? How can you do more of that - today?
- How can you balance what you do for others by doing something for yourself - today?
- What is the most emotionally rewarding action you can take - today?
- Think of one of your current goals/projects. What one small thing thing could you do about that - today?
- Who is good for you to be around? Call/email/text that person - today
- Which (brief) activities give you balance, peace of mind, enjoyment? When can you find time to do at least one of those - today?
"The greatest personal limitation is to be found not in the things you want to do and can't, but in the things you've never considered doing"
Richard Bandler
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