Reverse Thinking

Mad, bad, or just dangerous to know?

My latest request for an article comes from Helen, who wants to know what I think about evil.

This seems especially relevant given the recent headlines about the Baby P case and the conviction of Sean Mercer in Liverpool for the 'murder' of Rhys Jones (excuse the quotation marks but I don't understand why Sean Mercer was convicted of murder when he was shooting at other kids - surely he should have been convicted of manslaughter?)

I have brooded on this for a while now and, reluctantly, I have concluded that there is no such thing as an evil person. Reluctant, because it makes life so much simpler if you believe in Evil with a capital 'E'.

The most loathsome human being I have ever met was not the paedophile who came to me for therapy seven years ago. Nor was it the gangster I once met who had killed seven people. Nor, even, was it the terrorist who had shared in numerous bomb attacks on innocent civilians. They all of them thought that either they couldn't help themselves (the paedophile), were fighting back against their enemies (the gangster), or were resisting injustice (the terrorist). They were not evil people although I would argue that they were responsible for evil actions.

The original meaning of the word evil is 'transgression' - someone who breaks the rules or breaks the limits of acceptable behavior. It is only very recently (inspired by a Christian use of words) that the term was applied to human beings. But if you are going to go around saying that some people are evil then you are also buying in to the idea that there is a principle of evil in the world (called 'Satan', 'Ahriman', 'the Devil') through which these human beings have been taken over. But I don't accept that for the simple reason that human beings are driven by other causes - by their delusions, by the abuse they have suffered from others, through loyalty, by the belief that they are martyrs, because they are schizophrenics or alcoholics, or simply because they don't understand virtues like compassion, empathy and charity.

To sum up: the dangerous word 'evil' is used as an evaluator not as a description. Only actions can be evil, not people.

  'If you gaze too long into the abyss, the abyss gazes back into you.' Nietzsche

Image by darkpatator

Your Xmas Hell

According to a survey published today in The Daily Mail people shopping for Xmas were tested as having health-damaging high blood pressure levels after just 75 minutes in the stores.

God alone knows what it will be like for them by the end of tomorrow. But survey after survey has shown that Xmas is one of the most stress-inducing events of the year for most of us.

Before you read the next bit it's important to get clear about what 'stress' actually is. It's not pressure coming from out there (as when some people say they have 'a stressful job') and neither is it an illness (as when your doctor thinks you need time off from work because she thinks you are 'really stressed'). The symptoms that come with stress (like high blood pressure) are warning signals that we are on the wrong track. It is a reaction that Bodymind creates when you go beyond your limitations. Your Body will typically create agitated feelings, headaches, tension, 'overwhelm', sleeplessness and other symptoms whenever you are vulnerable. Viewed the Reverse Therapy way, stress is what you get when you stop listening to your most urgent need for self-protection.

Here are five common mistakes to avoid at Xmas:

1. Have it here in the first place. The best Christmas day I ever enjoyed (and my family too) was spent on the ski slopes in Bulgaria. If you are obliged to spend Xmas as usual then do something different while it is going on. In other words, have some fun as well as doing your duty.

2. Save up the grudges you have stored during the course of 2008 for unloading once you reach that critical point when the Turkey is burnt, your teenagers have failed to come home and your VCR packs up. Then you turn your eagle eye on your dozing partner.... If you have to hold grudges then make sure they are sorted out before the day itself.

3. Develop madly, truly, deeply, crazy expectations that it is all going to be uninterrupted fun. It won't be. Become a temporary pessimist and expect it to be hell and then the more welcome those Winter Wonderland moments will actually turn out to be.

4. Make it your mission to please everyone who comes your way. And put on a gritty, fixed smile when they prove to be miserable, self-centred, Scrooges. When that happens, you can give yourself unlimited permission to go off and do your own thing.

5. Assume that there is something wrong with you if you aren't having fun - or if you are on your own - at Xmas.

Many people don't find Xmas a happy time. If you are fed up with the people around you - or if you are forced to spend the holiday on your own - then consider doing some voluntary work. Most charities are crying out for volunteers and you will have the satisfaction of making other peoples' lives a little bit better while the rest of the population are at each others' throats.

Whatever you decide to do - I wish all my readers a Christmas filled with divine peace.

Image by <^>#@!~(*)Daddys...

The key to your personality?

Last night, while I was listening to my all-time favourite track - 'If There Is Something' by Roxy Music, it occurred to me that your favourite music says a lot about the person you are.

Then I recalled something I once found about my Dad - who was a self-taught musician. And that was that he always composed songs on the piano in the key of E flat Minor. Although his songs were up-tempo jazz riffs, the fact that he composed them in a key with six flat notes gave them a manic, yet dirge-like quality.

Now, as it happens, the sequence shown in the movie above (Flashbacks of a Fool) also descends into E Flat. The effect is thrilling while at the same time melancholy beyond belief.

Could it be that the keys in which your favourite songs are written reflects your personality? The resonance at which many of your most frequent moods vibrate? You can find out by checking out the key shown at the start of the musical score of the songs you like. Major keys suggest an upbeat, optimistic personality, while Minor keys suggest the opposite.

If there is anything at all in this idea then it adds weight to the view that personality is stored in Bodymind cellular memories rather than in the Headmind thoughts and ideas you have about yourself. Not least in the way in which certain musical chords can cue your brain to produce characteristic moods and emotions.

What do you feel about this?

      'Without music life would be a mistake.' Nietzsche

The danger of words

I truly believe words can keep you stuck. Or make you ill. Or anxious. Or depressed.

I have quite a few clients in these stress-ridden times that are doing a good job of making themselves dysfunctional through the language they use to describe their predicament.

One says: 'I just can't cope anymore.'

A second says: 'This year has just been a series of disasters.'

A third says: 'Things are so-so. I can't pretend they're good.'

When you're a therapist, or a coach, part of your job is to teach people how to use the language of change. Which means teaching them to use language in a way that creates possibilities rather than disaster.

So I would ask:

'Which bits did you cope with?'

'Yes...I know about the disasters...but let's talk about how you've been getting on since you saw me last.'

'You don't have to pretend at all. Only Headmind tries to do that. Now let's focus on the things that Bodymind has been encouraging you to do...'

But the fact is that abstract phrases like 'cope', 'disasters' and 'can't pretend' close down thought rather than opening it up to possibility.

To that end we might be better off when the Chinese conquer Europe and we are forced to learn Mandarin. Because Mandarin Chinese is a pictorial language rather than a sound-based language it relies on images to convey meaning rather than words.

The advantage is that their communications are conveyed in a way that favours Bodymind rather than Headmind. Because the idea is expressed in terms of experiences rather than abstractions.

Consider the Chinese ideogram for 'Crisis' that is expressed on the upper right.

The top image represents 'danger' while the lower one represents 'opportunity'.

That seems to me to be a much richer idea than the panic and paralysis that descends on people when the word 'crisis' is used.

Which leads me to remind you that Bodymind wisdom is based on present-focused, immediate experience rather than Headmind words and thoughts.

      'Words are the most powerful drugs used by mankind'

       Rudyard Kipling.

Downsizing the ego

In my last post How the Ego Works I described the Ego as an internal watchman that has been installed in you by the people you grew up with.

So long as you live in society you can't live without the watchman because it is through her that you navigate your way around the social order. And even if you left for a monastery you would still need an ego to find your way around the rules in there.

At the same time we should be wary of gurus who claim to be living beyond the ego. That is impossible. But we can work towards ego reduction. if we do that we are likely to be less phoney, less frustrated and less conceited.

The list that follows isn't comprehensive but if you are sincere about personal development then practicing all of them will take you a long way.

Don't take things personally

The ego is, by definition, paranoid. It relates everything that happens around you back to the self. As if you are the centre of the universe and more important than you in fact are.

In the same way, the unkind remarks others make about you have very little to with you at all. It has much more to do with their own ego: their delusions, frustrations and self-importance. Don't be fooled.

Don't gossip

This means refraining from talking about your own misfortunes and trivial concerns and not criticizing others' behind their backs. Above all, don't name-drop or brag about your wealth, possessions, sexual conquests and achievements. It's not only egocentric but makes you look ridiculous.

Don't use religion as an ego-booster

Thinking that you are nearer to God than other people - or that you are doing God's will - is the most insidious form of egoism there is. It also makes you just part of the guru pest I have written about elsewhere. It's a sad fact that many religious (though not all) are some of the most unkind, judgmental, and inhuman people on the planet.

Don't hide behind false modesty.

This is a subtle one because it makes it easy for us to camouflage the ego. 'English irony', in which someone claims to be simpler than they are usually hides a very opinionated person. In the same way, a dependent person who says they are 'useless' at something is usually after more attention, not less.

Unegoistic people are, as a rule, very matter of fact about their strengths and weaknesses.

Don't identify with group-egoism.

This is another insidious ploy used by the ego to give itself a false sense of superiority. There is nothing wrong with being proud of your family, the neighbourhood you grew up in, your nation or the cause you stand for. But things get nasty when you join in group attacks on outsiders.

Don't dress, or put on an act, to impress others

Somehow, we always seem to know when we are working from ego. There is a fine line between dressing smartly and dressing to impress - and we always know when we have crossed it. The same applies to being nice to others - and flirting with them.

Do things for their own reward

If nobody knew you were giving to charity, would you still do it? The answer for most of us is - probably - yes. The same criterion should apply to every thing else you do. The things you do to make money, or praise, or to acquire status, all of these feed the ego.

Doing things purely because you achieve fulfilment through them, or because they satisfy the personal genius in you, reduce the ego.