This is the last in the series on the Effective Thinking Test.
This time we are discussing your answers to questions 22-28.
If you have not already taken the test then please take it here before reading this article.
Questions:
22.It's best to be honest about how I feel, even if it means jeopardising the relationship.
Ineffective Thinking: False
Effective Thinking: True
Headminds addicted to worry fantasize about the disasters that might happen if people are honest. Non-worriers are more concerned with engaging in emotionally real, up-to-the-moment honest, relationships.
23. I tend to give up if I struggle when learning something new.
Ineffective Thinking: True
Effective Thinking: False
Ineffective thinking is based on the over-generalization that I am stupid, helpless and unable to progress. So the moment a set-back occurs Headmind starts repeating the 'it's no use trying' script'. When Headmind is connected to your passion it automatically cues you to get help, experiment with your learning strategies, or leave that problem for now and come back to it later.
24. I rarely worry about what other people think of me
Ineffective Thinking: False
Effective Thinking: True
What other people think of you is unimportant - period (what other people feel about you is another matter). Badly adjusted Headminds waste time on how you look to other people instead of focusing on what you like, what you want and what you want to do next.
25. I am a likable person.
Ineffective Thinking: False
Effective Thinking: True
Of course you are a likable person (unless you have decided you would rather intimidate people and be nasty). Your likability manifests through your natural empathy for, interest in, and practical kindness towards others.
Even if you don't practice doing these things on a regular basis that doesn't make you unlikable. That mistake is based on jealousy - delusional comparisons between yourself and others.
26. If I am under pressure I make it a priority to take more time out for myself every day
I often get clients in Reverse Therapy telling me that focusing on their own need for privacy, love, prayer, recreation, or 'me-time' is somehow selfish. I sometimes reply by quoting the New Testament, Matthew, Chapter 14, which relates what Christ did after feeding the Five Thousand:
And
straightway Jesus constrained his disciples to get into a ship, and to
go before him unto the other side, while he sent the multitudes away.
And when he had sent the multitudes away, he went up into a mountain apart to pray: and when the evening was come, he was there alone.
Enough said? If Christ needed time out from his mission then we can certainly do with some ourselves.
27. To be happy it helps if you are successful, wealthy or attractive
Another Headmind fantasy. Having worked with quite a few famous, successful, wealthy and physically beautiful clients I can tell you that many of them are not happy people. Quite the opposite. Meanwhile, the very few genuinely happy people I have met have very few personal needs, spend a lot of their time looking after other people, and try to live one day at a time. Oh - and they also tend to be self-actualizers.
28. I avoid confronting people as it is just too uncomfortable for me.
Ineffective Thinking: True
Effective Thinking: False
This is another (slightly) trick question. Readers who have read my article on Reverse Assertiveness will recall that confronting people doesn't work. It puts people on the defensive, ensures you don't get heard and may lose you friends (one reason why some Assertiveness trainings are know as courses on 'Loneliness preparation').
But confronting isn't assertiveness and it is ineffective to believe that being honest is the same as being aggressive.
And cowardice isn't effective either because it simply postpones the problem for another day.
Image by Jaci Berkopec
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