Reverse Thinking

How to stop worrying

This is the second in a series of articles which teach you how to eliminate negative thinking.

Bad thinking habits, sometimes known as cognitive distortions, trigger worry, stress, anxiety, panic attacks, OCD, depression, guilt, Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD), and a host of other problems.

Treating these problems have attracted lots of books and a variety of methods for overcoming them, including the Linden method and other techniques borrowed from NLP and Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy (CBT). These, and many other approaches, including Dale Carnegie's 1948 classic 'How to Stop Worrying and Start Living' provide lots of workable ideas through which you can defeat anxiety. My approach, however, focuses on the core insight that worries, being fantasies, are best ignored. And that you need to be spending less time in Headmind.

As related in my previous articles there are four mistakes that people make around worries and obsessions:

These are:

• Getting sucked in by anxious thoughts
• Being frightened by them
• Not knowing what to do about them
• Living too much in the head

The four steps in the method I am explaining in these articles address all four problems.

To recapitulate, these are:

1. Change Position
2. Change Attitude
3. Change Focus
4. Practice Mindfulness

Before using the method, however, there is an important preliminary which you need to work through first. Which is to distinguish between Worries and Concerns.

Briefly, worries are fantasies while concerns are problems you can influence. 

A worry typically has one or more of these features:

1. Predictions of disaster:

Examples: I will lose my job/have a breakdown/get ill again

2. Hopelessness

Example: I won't be able to cope

3. Over-generalization

Example: I always mess things up

4. Exaggeration

Example: I am a complete failure

5. Perfectionism

Example: I can't make any mistakes

6. Musturbation:

Example: I must get it right

7. Self-judgment

Example: It's all my fault

6. Focusing on the negative:

Example: It happened last week, the month before that, twice last year and again this morning at 10 o'clock

Notice that worries aren't about anything that has actually happened. Instead they are a kind of nightmare in which it is assumed that anything that can go wrong will go wrong and what's more will always go wrong (Murphy's Law may be a joke but quite a lot of people with anxiety disorders treat it as revealed truth).

There is no point in arguing with this kind of thinking as so many cognitive-behaviour therapists believe. Doing that is the equivalent of trying to argue with the psychotic on the street corner who wants you to come and hide with him because the world is about to end. The only thing to do about worries is treat them with the contempt they deserve.

But one reason why even daft worries get taken seriously is that they get mixed up with concerns. And because concerns are real then worries can seem real too.

For example. I might have a concern about this article: namely, that it won't be readable. Were that the case then there are a number of things I can do about that: read examples of good writing and imitate them, get a friend to check it, use a thesaurus, rewrite it, etc. But the associated worry 'I will never learn to write' gets off on the genuine concern that I am finding this particular article hard work. And so I fall into the trap of taking it seriously.

In this series I am teaching you a four-step method through which you eliminate worries such as these. However, to make it work you first have to address any concerns. Doing that may eliminate the worry all by itself. For example, rewriting this article and getting some good feedback makes the earlier worry sound ridiculous.

Here are a few more tips to help you distinguish between the two:

1. If it is a worry it will frighten you; if it is a concern it will focus you
2. Concerns foster decision-making; worries foster paralysis
3. Worries leave you powerless; concerns alert you to what to do next
4. Concerns focus on potential solutions; worries on disasters
5. Worries are all about the past and future; concerns are about the here and now
6. Concerns have an emotion behind them; worries are empty
7. Worries tell you that you can't cope; concerns tell you that you can

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A new solution for anxiety, worry, obsessions and lots more besides

Research shows that at least 10% of the population, at any one time, suffer from an anxiety disorder. But if you take into account the figures for those experiencing stress-related problems - which are clearly related to worry and anxiety - the figures are likely to be far higher. And most of us have problems with negative thinking: gloomy thoughts about the future, guilt over the past, the idea that we can't cope with the present and obsessions about having to get it all right.

On that subject the National Institute of Mental Health - NIMH - calculates that around 1% of the population in the USA suffer from Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder - or OCD - (that's over 3 million people). But millions more are bothered by obsessions about work, about our personal appearance, about our success or failure in life and anything else that might have to do with the Ego. Incidentally, obsessions are also the driver for addictions to drugs, alcohol and gambling, about which I wrote in my last series of articles.

I have recently been carrying out renewed work with clients suffering from chronic worry, panic attacks, OCD, negative thoughts and anxiety. As a result I have been refining my method of working with these problems. The next few articles show the way out.

The method comprises four basic steps as follows:

• 1. Change Position
• 2. Change Attitude
• 3. Change Focus
• 4. Practice Mindfulness

For any worry, obsession or negative thought you first change your position to it. Instead of identifying the thought as coming from you, instead you change to seeing the worry as coming from IT - meaning Headmind at it's worst.

Next you change your attitude to these 'Headmind tapes'. Instead of getting upset by them you learn how to get bored with them, or to laugh at them, or to treat them with the contempt they deserve.

Then you change your focus of attention, immediately engaging Headmind with something focused, productive, entertaining or calming to do.

Finally, you practice Mindfulness on a daily basis. This could entail Meditation, Yoga, Tai Chi, Qui Gung, Sensate focusing or a myriad other ways of focusing on Bodymind or on present moment awareness. This isn't strictly a 'fourth step' but a way of making the other three steps easier to practice.

More on this method in the articles that follow.

So stay tuned.

Do you control your mind - or does it control you?

This is yet another addition to the lenghthening list of articles on controlling Headmind that have appeared on this blog.

It seems to be the one problem most people struggle with in therapy and in life:

• Eliminating negative thoughts
• Ignoring the Chatterbox
• Laughing off worries
• Heading off panic attacks
• Forgetting guilt
• Putting the brakes on obsessions
• Doing the dirty on perfectionism
• Postponing procrastination

So I am continually being asked for more techniques on how to control what some people like to call 'Rational Mind' when it is doing dumb, stupid, things. And I agree that it helps to have a variety of techniques on offer so that if one does not work something else will. So I am going to share one of my recent discoveries with you.

It came about when I was looking up one of my favourite works - The Wasteland - by T.S. Eliot and I was reminded that Eliot had, in fact, had a nervous breakdown shortly before completing the poem.

(If you would like to benefit from a nervous breakdown yourself then read my prior article on this).

I then learnt that Eliot recovered from his breakdown in a sanatorium in Lausanne during the summer of 1922 while under the supervision of Dr Roger Vittoz, who treated anxiety problems by teaching his patients how to control Headmind with the aid of specific techniques devised by him.

His premise is that anxious people have lost control of their own minds and are paying attention to garbage. When they learn how to edit out negative words, objects, images and statements and replace it with their own content they get back control. Many of his exercises seem quite trivial at first but if you practice doing them every day for, say, a few weeks, the accumulative effect is that one is back in charge. And I can vouch from personal observation that some of the exercises work very quickly indeed. 

One of them works like this.

Write out a worry statement. For example:

I CAN'T COPE WITH OTHER PEOPLE

Now imagine that you are flashing up each letter on a screen, one by one, until you have the complete statement.

Now delete each letter of the statement one-by-one, working backwards.

Next, you replace the first statement with something more empowering. For example:

I AM LEARNING HOW TO COPE BETTER

And then you 'flash' each letter of that statement up on the screen until it is complete. Look at the statement for a few moments, and then decide on one thing you can do in order to act on it.

Like all Vittoz's techniques, it works on repetition. So use it every time you catch Headmind giving you a hard time with that particular worry.

If you would like to get a free copy of the English translation of Vittoz's book on mind control  - How to Control Your Brain at Will then you can download it from here.

 

30 great ways to reduce Anxiety and Stress

I have been working a lot recently in Reverse Therapy with clients who are stressed or anxious and am frequently asked for my list of remedies that work for either. So here goes:

• Learn how to control Headmind. See a previous article on this subject, in this blog here.
• Exercise. Few things can help relax you more quickly than a bit of vigorous exercise. Whether you box, jog or play a game of tennis, aerobic exercise will release endorphins, thereby improving your mood, eliminating tension and giving you a natural high. 
• Meditate. When you think you are getting overwhelmed,  take at least ten minutes out to clear your mind of worries and meditate. If you have trouble doing it alone, try using a guided tape, or a Binaural Beat CD.  
• Focus on the breath. Concentrating on your breathing is a powerful way to promote inner calm. Increase the number of counts as you breathe out, and then in, from 3 to 8. Then reduce the count from 8 back to 3, slowly. This is one of the oldest known meditational techniques in history: at least 4000 years old. 
• Use Yoga. You can learn how to use Yoga from a group or personal instructor, or even from a DVD. Our work in Reverse Therapy shows that Yoga is an exceptionally effective antidote to Headmind-produced stress.
• Use Tai Chi. See previous item as similar advice applies.
• Focus on an Eye-Movement Program. You can learn how to do this by going to a previous article I wrote about how to do that here.
• Take a Break. Force yourself to break away from what is bugging you and do something pleasant that is completely unrelated.
•  Slow down. Most people when they get anxious do everything faster, so deliberately slow down your movements, and the speed at which you are doing things.
• Talk slowly. See previous item. Speak at 50% of the speed at which you were talking before, with frequent pauses in between sentences.
• Think slowly. This is usually effective while you are taking a break. Slow down the speed at which Headmind is racing around its worries by recalling a calming memory, situation or person.
• Let the past go. If you're stressing out about something bad that happened yesterday then keep your attention on the here and now. Focus on something important to you and ‘drown out’ the internal control freak who wants to keep going over problems.
• Let go of the need for control over events.  You can’t control the events that happen to you; only your response to those events. Focus on what you can do, rather than what is not in your power to do.
• Laughter. A good laugh releases endorphins. So either mix with people who make you laugh or watch one of your favourite comedies.
• Limit your intake of caffeine. Caffeine is a unnaturally strong stimulant and adds existing anxiety, making you worse than otherwise. If you're stressed then avoid drinking coffee and other caffeine-based beverages.
• Use lavender oil. Research suggests that lavender oil is one of the most effective calming agents available. One reason for its effectiveness is that it works through the olfactory centres in the brain; smells are particularly powerful.  Try lighting a candle or putting some lavender oil on your skin, or in a bath to help you relax.
• Drink green tea. Green tea contains theanine, an amino-acid which improves mood and reduces arousal.
• Use herbal supplements. If you're into natural remedies you may want to consider taking some herbal supplements like valerian root or passion flower. Both of these were extensively used in the Middle Ages as natural tranquillizers.
• Eat dark chocolate. For reasons not yet clearly understood, dark, bitter, chocolate increases endorphin release. Chili has a similar effect.
• Take a shower or bath. This does not work for everybody but many people find that bathing increases calm. That may be because of the slow down-effect noted elsewhere in this article/
• Get a massage. See last item. But effectiveness of this strategy depends on the skill of the masseur or masseuse – so select your practitioner wisely. But you can also use self-massage or the EFT movements.
• Create variety. If you love to browse bookstores, take long walks in the park, or if you have a favourite hobby, or game, then take more time out of your day to do those things.
• Work at simple chores. This doesn’t work for everybody but many of my clients find that some chores help then wind down. For me it is washing up the dishes but others report that gardening, hoovering, cleaning, tidying up or clearing things away, make them feel better afterwards.
• Spend time with a pet. Playing with, walking focusing on your pet’s needs is a useful distraction from worry – it also tends to raise endorphin release.
• Focus on what you can do rather than what you can’t. When you're faced with what looks like an overwhelming problem, focus on small, concrete, steps you can work on today, rather than worrying about ‘big’ solutions that might never happen.
• Avoid people who make things worse. If you are indulging in worry yourself then avoid other people – no matter how well-meaning – who worry, exaggerate problems, have doom-laden opinions, or who keep asking you ‘whether you are going to be ok?’.
• Put on some music. Music is another powerful trigger for endorphin release. Always keep your favourite tracks available to you on your ipod whether you are at home, out and about, or at work. It only takes 5 minutes.
• Ask for help. If you really just have too much on your plate then don't hold back from asking people for help. Too often, anxious people are people with a banana which dictates that asking for a help is a sign of weakness. Do not make that mistake.
• Use the word 'No' more often. It's simple, powerful, and incredibly effective when you are up against it. if you have a phobia about it, try practicing it when standing in front of the mirror.
• Make time to be with people who love you. This is possibly the most important item on the list. Do it now.

 

 

How to crush perfectionism

Perfectionism is a great example of the way in which Headmind can push us into anxiety and illness. And it also reveals a lot about the way Headmind is set up. Namely, that it doesn't belong to us and does not have our personal interests at heart. That it works through a 'pushy', inner voice that acts like an impersonal control freak. Always compelling us to spend more time on tasks than is really warranted.

My readers will understand that, for these reasons, I kept putting off and putting off writing this article in case I got it all wrong and made myself look like an idiot.......

But seriously, perfectionism can get at people in different ways. And these styles are closely related to what I have called bananas elsewhere in this blog.

1. Bananas about failure
2. Bananas about approval
3. Bananas about weight/appearance
4. Bananas about power
5. Bananas about being sexy

And many other things besides.

The first thing to get clear about is that Perfectionism is a type of obsession. An obsession comes about because Headmind is worried about something. In the case of perfectionism the worry is that the person can never get it right and will therefore be criticised, rejected and hurt. The basis for this problem is conditioning. Somewhere along the way the child’s Headmind picked up the script ‘No matter how hard you try you will never be good enough’. 

Incidentally, 'perfectionism' is a common problem with people who score high for the One Type on the Enneagram.

A lot of people blame Parents for scripts like these although, in my experience, Teachers and Priests are often the usual culprits. The pity of it all is that there is absolutely no need for anyone to worry about having to get it all right. If you are out of your depth on something then Bodymind will trigger the fear signal to tell you to go and ask a few questions or get some help. 

But this move is is disallowed by Headmind – the Perfectionist cannot ask for help because that would be to admit failure – imperfection. So he has to do it all by himself. In later life Headmind keeps playing these scripts every time a new challenge comes up. So each time the person settles down to do some work Headmind triggers the worry first, and then the obsession with ‘getting it all right’. With the sub-script – ‘work harder, you miserable failure’. That can get very scary. But each time Fear is created to remind us to get some help that is interpreted by Headmind as fresh evidence that the person is ‘imperfect’ triggering the script all over again. 

Now, if you spend too long doing the same thing over and over again then Bodymind is going to create the emotion known as frustration. That will be prompting you to give yourself a break. But when Headmind notices frustration coming up, it misinterprets that as fresh evidence of failure. So the script gets triggered again, and again and again. I will write more about the solution to perfectionism and other obsessional states in a later blog. But the first step towards breaking free of the trap is to disobey the script, own up to being ‘a failure’ and go and have some fun instead.

Writer's unblock

Wow! I have been overwhelmed by your responses to my last post, in which I confessed to writer's block, and subsequent Headmind worries about not being able to write again.

My honesty on the matter prompted many of you to send me messages of appreciation and support, as well as helpful advice on staying out of Headmind and 'going with the flow'.

As the Haiti earthquake disaster indicates, whenever human beings are in trouble, there are many more there to help out. I have written about this before in my article: Kindness is stronger than love. Your own kindness to me is warmly appreciated.

You also sent me some interesting ideas for future articles. I notice that many of those have to do with overcoming Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, Stress, Depression, Self-Doubt, and Fear/Worry. Since this Blog actually started out as a channel for helping people address clinical problems, then maybe it is time to return to my root intentions.

Please keep your emails coming - I really find them helpful.

John x

Image by Beverly & Pack

Back to bananas

It's been building up for a while, but I have been getting more and more stuck in Headmind and the dis-ease state, due to the fact that I haven't written anything on this blog for over two weeks.

So the banana about having to be clever kicks in and Headmind gives me a hard time about ending up as a failure:

It tells me: 'You must write something good, soon, son, or your dreams about this blog are all going to end up in smoke...'

Which tells me that even the best of us get sucked in to obsessive-compulsions. After all, why the hell should I write something if I have nothing to say?

Similarly, with some of your own bananas:

• Why should you try to please people who care nothing about your efforts?
• Why should you get together with people you care little about?
• Why should you read a blog page that bores you?

Now that I have got that off my chest then I can go back to writing new articles without thinking that I need to appease the Internal Control Freak.

And immediately I write that, I get, first a release, and then a creative idea: Why not write about the Enneagram?

Think I will start on that now....

But meantime, I am humbly reminded that the battle against the obsession to be more than we can be never lets up.

And - please - if you are getting impatient about the delay in my posting new articles on here, then let me have your wishes and creative ideas rather than your complaints.

Hugh Laurie, Schopenhauer, and the art of life

This is the follow up article to Schopenhauer: a philosophy for grumpy people? Which attracted  a good response from many readers, many of whom had never heard of him, and were intrigued by his pessimism. Like Hugh Laurie in House he attracts people with his attitude problem.

In fact both Dr Gregory House and Schopenhauer have much in common:

• Both are loners
• Unconventional thinkers
• Grumpiness combined with a wish to help others
• Black humour
• Grim realism
• Mockery of conventional, pompous, people and ideas
• Atheism
• Disillusion
• A (well-disguised) compassion for others.
• Both are skilled wind-up merchants

For Schopenhauer, the world was a place he never made and little admired. Unlike almost all other philosophers, he did not believe that human beings were created to be happy. The reason for that is that our Will for personal gratification is out of all proportion to what Life can actually offer us. That, he claimed, was the reason for our continually recurring states of frustration, heartache and boredom.

Now, while I believe Schopenhauer was right in some of his diagnoses, I disagree about the cause. It is not the Universal Will which is the cause of personal misery but Headmind obsessions working through the Ego. I have written about this before in my article on How your Head F*cks You Up. 

While I agree with Schopenhauer that we are not created to be happy (because we are blessed/cursed with an enlarged Headmind/Pre-frontal cortex), I disagree that we cannot, in fact find it. We can find it if we persist, through Awareness, and through downsizing the Ego.

However, I will leave you with a few more conclusions from the Master:

• Make good use of the only thing you can control: your conscious mind.
• Strive to live in the Now
• Set limits everywhere: on desires, wealth and power. 
• Accept limitations: that leads to peace of mind. 
• Accept misfortunes: only dwell on them if you can change something about them.
• Seek out personal space and time for yourself; other people may try rob you of peace of mind.
• Keep busy, always.
• Do not expect too much from other people: like you they are only human.
• In the long run, assume disappointment will be your lot more times than not.
• You are not alone: others share your disappointments.
• Your recognition of your shared humanity with others is the basis for compassion.
• This recognition frees you from the Ego.
• At times of great difficulty you can take consolation from the fact that every other human being has endured similar difficulties.
• Contemplation of Nature, Art, Music, Literature and the Spectacle of life raises you above it.

Best 15 instant Xmas stress-busters

Another survey - this one mentioned by Colin Brazier in his Sky News Blog - comes up with two facts:

1. Most people, when asked to come up with a word that goes with 'Christmas' don't say 'happy', or 'merry', but 'stressful'.

2. On average the first Christmas Day argument will kick in at around 9.57 am.

Each December I write about Xmas stress so I won't repeat myself here. If you want to look at those past articles they are below:

Your Xmas Hell (2008)

Xmas Stress (2007)

5 Worst Xmas Mistakes to Avoid (2006)

If there are four points common to all three articles then they are probably these:

a. Don't fall for the hype about Xmas

b. Don't expect too much

c. Balance what you do for others with what you do for yourself

d. Do at least one thing over the Xmas period which is spiritually uplifting for you.


Meanwhile here are some fast-working Xmas stress-busters (all tried and tested by me).

1. Go for a walk, walking fast for at least ten-minutes.

2. Dance to music you like.

3. Inhale an aromatherapy scent such as lavender, ylang-ylang, orange, peppermint or rose.

4. Eat some chocolate (raises endorphins).

5. Reflexology: gently massage the triangle of skin between your thumb and forefinger with your other thumb and index finger 5 times.

6. Watch something that makes you laugh.

7. Sing to music you adore.

8. Talk to someone who makes you laugh.

9. Go the The Lime Room, click on the meditation room of your choice, and chill out.

10. Take an extended bath or a shower.

11. Use a binaural beat CD (you can order one from the column on the left of this blog).

12. Walk around your home in your bare feet.

13. Get intimate with someone who is fond of you.

14. Slow your reactions down for 15 minutes. Talk, walk, do things at half your normal speed.

15. Breath focus. Increase the amount of time between your in-breath and your out-breath, starting at the count of three and increasing up to the count of seven, then back to three again.

Incidentally, I am featured in the December edition of RED magazine offering advice to people on how to have a depression-less Xmas. The article features three women seeking a better time this year around and a panel of experts to contribute their gems.

I wish all my readers a peaceful, heavenly Xmas-tide.

Why guilt is useless

Guilt is a delusionary state. It doesn't serve you at all and is a creation of the imagination; of Headmind's drive towards conformity.

Here's how Headmind creates Guilt:

1. Headmind is stuffed full of judgments about the person you could be, should be, should not be, etc. Those judgments were not originally your own but inherited from other people. But gradually you internalised them and they became self-judgments.

2. These judgments are re-activated by parents, teachers, priests, employers, children and partners who may be exploiting you.

3. Your Headmind buys into those judgments because it seeks acceptance, conformity, and admiration (even from people who don't deserve your respect).

4. Dwelling on occasions in which guilt comes up - and Headmind judges you - creates uncomfortable Bodymind reactions: cringing, agitation, distress. Although Bodymind creates that discomfort in order to warn you not to indulge in guilt, Headmind interprets this as a signal that you are, indeed, a 'bad' person, worthy of punishment.

Here's another way to understand 'Guilt':

1. Earlier societies did not recognise a psychological state known as 'guilt'. For them 'guilt' was simply another word for 'debt' (as in the German/Saxon word: 'gultig'). It simply meant that one person had harmed another and was unable to put things right. For example, one person stole another person's property but was too poor to pay it back - therefore he was 'guilty' and subject to the penalties of the community.

2. Religious influences gradually changed this original meaning of guilt into 'personal sin'.

3.  When Psychology started up in Germany and America in the 19th century it took over religious ideas about 'sin' and reinterpreted them in terms of 'good' and 'evil' actions. So doing one 'bad' thing made you an 'evil' or 'guilty' person - instead of someone who simply made a mistake.  

4. Mistakes and 'bad' actions you committed in the past were based on the knowledge you possessed at the moment you committed them, no matter how daft. For example: you shop-lifted, knowing you couldn't afford something but that you 'had' to have the item anyway. You let the Headmind state of greed get the better of you.

5. Therefore your past mistakes were based on inadequate knowledge (you thought it was ok to steal, or that you wouldn't get caught, or that it wouldn't matter if you did get caught). Your predictions turned out to be wrong, although you didn't  realise that at the time.

6. Your present self-judgments are based on a false premise: your present self blames your past self even though your past self did not possess the experience of knowledge your present self now has.

Here is the truth:

1. You did not actually have free will back then when you committed your error of judgment. You did what you had to do at the time because you lacked Awareness.

2. Indulging in Headmind worry (i.e. analyzing over and over again about what an 'evil' person you were/are) may actually get in the way of your attempts to put things right.

3. If you have really done somebody wrong you could connect to the emotion of remorse and get on with making amends, rather than wasting time on guilt.


Image by Jsome1