Reverse Thinking

Why guilt is useless

Guilt is a delusionary state. It doesn't serve you at all and is a creation of the imagination; of Headmind's drive towards conformity.

Here's how Headmind creates Guilt:

1. Headmind is stuffed full of judgments about the person you could be, should be, should not be, etc. Those judgments were not originally your own but inherited from other people. But gradually you internalised them and they became self-judgments.

2. These judgments are re-activated by parents, teachers, priests, employers, children and partners who may be exploiting you.

3. Your Headmind buys into those judgments because it seeks acceptance, conformity, and admiration (even from people who don't deserve your respect).

4. Dwelling on occasions in which guilt comes up - and Headmind judges you - creates uncomfortable Bodymind reactions: cringing, agitation, distress. Although Bodymind creates that discomfort in order to warn you not to indulge in guilt, Headmind interprets this as a signal that you are, indeed, a 'bad' person, worthy of punishment.

Here's another way to understand 'Guilt':

1. Earlier societies did not recognise a psychological state known as 'guilt'. For them 'guilt' was simply another word for 'debt' (as in the German/Saxon word: 'gultig'). It simply meant that one person had harmed another and was unable to put things right. For example, one person stole another person's property but was too poor to pay it back - therefore he was 'guilty' and subject to the penalties of the community.

2. Religious influences gradually changed this original meaning of guilt into 'personal sin'.

3.  When Psychology started up in Germany and America in the 19th century it took over religious ideas about 'sin' and reinterpreted them in terms of 'good' and 'evil' actions. So doing one 'bad' thing made you an 'evil' or 'guilty' person - instead of someone who simply made a mistake.  

4. Mistakes and 'bad' actions you committed in the past were based on the knowledge you possessed at the moment you committed them, no matter how daft. For example: you shop-lifted, knowing you couldn't afford something but that you 'had' to have the item anyway. You let the Headmind state of greed get the better of you.

5. Therefore your past mistakes were based on inadequate knowledge (you thought it was ok to steal, or that you wouldn't get caught, or that it wouldn't matter if you did get caught). Your predictions turned out to be wrong, although you didn't  realise that at the time.

6. Your present self-judgments are based on a false premise: your present self blames your past self even though your past self did not possess the experience of knowledge your present self now has.

Here is the truth:

1. You did not actually have free will back then when you committed your error of judgment. You did what you had to do at the time because you lacked Awareness.

2. Indulging in Headmind worry (i.e. analyzing over and over again about what an 'evil' person you were/are) may actually get in the way of your attempts to put things right.

3. If you have really done somebody wrong you could connect to the emotion of remorse and get on with making amends, rather than wasting time on guilt.


Image by Jsome1

Downsizing the ego

In my last post How the Ego Works I described the Ego as an internal watchman that has been installed in you by the people you grew up with.

So long as you live in society you can't live without the watchman because it is through her that you navigate your way around the social order. And even if you left for a monastery you would still need an ego to find your way around the rules in there.

At the same time we should be wary of gurus who claim to be living beyond the ego. That is impossible. But we can work towards ego reduction. if we do that we are likely to be less phoney, less frustrated and less conceited.

The list that follows isn't comprehensive but if you are sincere about personal development then practicing all of them will take you a long way.

Don't take things personally

The ego is, by definition, paranoid. It relates everything that happens around you back to the self. As if you are the centre of the universe and more important than you in fact are.

In the same way, the unkind remarks others make about you have very little to with you at all. It has much more to do with their own ego: their delusions, frustrations and self-importance. Don't be fooled.

Don't gossip

This means refraining from talking about your own misfortunes and trivial concerns and not criticizing others' behind their backs. Above all, don't name-drop or brag about your wealth, possessions, sexual conquests and achievements. It's not only egocentric but makes you look ridiculous.

Don't use religion as an ego-booster

Thinking that you are nearer to God than other people - or that you are doing God's will - is the most insidious form of egoism there is. It also makes you just part of the guru pest I have written about elsewhere. It's a sad fact that many religious (though not all) are some of the most unkind, judgmental, and inhuman people on the planet.

Don't hide behind false modesty.

This is a subtle one because it makes it easy for us to camouflage the ego. 'English irony', in which someone claims to be simpler than they are usually hides a very opinionated person. In the same way, a dependent person who says they are 'useless' at something is usually after more attention, not less.

Unegoistic people are, as a rule, very matter of fact about their strengths and weaknesses.

Don't identify with group-egoism.

This is another insidious ploy used by the ego to give itself a false sense of superiority. There is nothing wrong with being proud of your family, the neighbourhood you grew up in, your nation or the cause you stand for. But things get nasty when you join in group attacks on outsiders.

Don't dress, or put on an act, to impress others

Somehow, we always seem to know when we are working from ego. There is a fine line between dressing smartly and dressing to impress - and we always know when we have crossed it. The same applies to being nice to others - and flirting with them.

Do things for their own reward

If nobody knew you were giving to charity, would you still do it? The answer for most of us is - probably - yes. The same criterion should apply to every thing else you do. The things you do to make money, or praise, or to acquire status, all of these feed the ego.

Doing things purely because you achieve fulfilment through them, or because they satisfy the personal genius in you, reduce the ego.

How the ego works

After my last article In You But More Than You (in which I gave away a Download IYBMTY ) I took an email from Harry who asks: 'What is Ego-Identification?'

Ego-identification means that you have over-identified with your Ego. You have lost your connection with Bodymind and you are living in Headmind - specifically in that part of Headmind where your ego is located.

Your ego is a false idea about what and who you are. It is an idea you took over from other people.

Babies don't have egos. But they start to get one as soon as they realise they have a name. As soon as you have a name you develop the delusion that you have an identity separate from other people. But, in reality, your sense of who you are is defined by your relationships with those same people - 'son', 'daughter', 'pupil', 'friend', victim', etc. Your ego is like a distorting mirror held up to you by the people around you. And when you start to 'see' yourself as others see you, you start trying to live up to the expectations that those others have formed about you.

For example, your parents and teachers speak about you as 'the shy one', 'the noisy one', 'the brainy one', 'the stupid one', 'the sporty one'. After persistent indoctrination you start to identify yourself by these concepts.

If the ego that was handed to you was all about having to be a high-achiever then your ego will condemn you to a life of failure because, no matter how clever, successful and hard-working you are, you will never match the ideal you have been set.

If your ego is based on the idea that you are stupid, ugly, or worthless then you are also condemned to a life of failure. Simply because each time you identify with your ego you will act according to expectations.

Like Jacques Lacan said: The Ego is based on frustration. No matter how hard you try, you will never live up to the engrained demands which it carries.

What is worse, the Ego will repress, dismiss or delete your your emotions, your basic needs and your personal genius in the misguided pursuit of ego-strokes - flattery, approval, status, power, or lurve.

Identifying with the Ego creates anxiety and dis-ease - the pre-symptomatic state in which Headmind splits from Bodymind and you are no longer living in your body, in the moment, acting spontaneously as your experience dictates. You become alienated from yourself, from others, and from life itself.

But there is a solution. Next up, I will be writing about how to discard your ego.

      'Wherever I climb, I am followed by a dog named 'Ego'.

       Nietzsche