Reverse Thinking

Are you really ok - or just pretending?

In my previous article but one - How to be a Failure - I wrote that Failures exist only in their heads.

To be sure, it is possible to fail an exam or a driving test, but I am not talking about reversals like that. What I am referring to is the kind of thinking that ends in self-judgments of one sort or another.

In the next article I will write about success thinking instead. But before you start learning more about that there is something you must first do in order to shake off the habit of thinking like a failure. And that is to stop pretending you don't have problems. That is: stop pretending to yourself and stop pretending to others. It's tiring and it doesn't work; at some level your bodymind always knows when you are lying to yourself and the result is a state of suffering.

As I wrote before, Headminds that don't work properly distort the meaning of set-backs and turn them into no-go areas:

• It's not ok to be unhappy
• It's not ok to be scared
• It's not ok to be angry
• It's not ok to be sad
• It's not ok to be alone
• It's not ok to get it wrong
• It's not ok to be ill
• It's not ok to be out of work
• It's not ok to be poor
• It's not ok to be disabled
• It's not ok to be rejected
• It's not ok to be different

If one of these states of affairs exists then your Ego will conclude that you have failed. It will then waste the next few weeks/months/years looking for the 'cause' of the problem in order to find something, or someone, to blame. The consequent worry states will trigger guilt, rage, anxiety or depression. 

Meanwhile, the internal control freak inside your head will be ordering you to keep up the ego facade that there is nothing wrong. One trivial way in which this manifests will be the silly grin and the 'Me! I'm fine!' answer many of us give to people when they ask us how we are when we are are not (although, I have given up asking people that question nowadays - it's unanswerable if you really think about it).

There are a number of other ways in which this process of denial works and here are some examples from my therapy case-book.

• The frightened client who, for months after he was made redundant, pretended to go in to the office every day because he didn't want his family to find out. He spent the rest of the day hiding in the public library.
• The resigned client who put up with years of marital unhappiness with the thought that 'all marriages are the same anyway'.
• The argumentative client who would go off into a rage rather than admit he had made a mistake.
• The dying client who refused to get proper help for his terminal cancer until it was too late because he 'didn't want to make a fuss'.
• The alcoholic client who could not stand his boredom with life and used alcohol to diffuse it.
• The cynical client who blamed other people and 'life' for his unhappiness in work and relationships.
• Then there is my own case, in which I pretended for years that I wasn't deaf so as not be seen as a 'freak'. This caused endless complications in relationships.

Don't be taken in by Headmind's way of turning problems into disasters and stick to the facts instead. Then give yourself permission to have whatever emotion you want. For example:

'The relationship is over and I am alone and I am really, really sad about that. I need to be with people.'

Don't be taken in by the Ego's need to be Superwoman. Be humble and take responsibility for your errors:

'I made a mistake. What can I do about it?'

And accept your limitations:

'I'm out of my depth here. Time to talk to someone.'

Don't be taken in by the Ego's need to be like others. Dare to be different:

'I am deaf/black/dyslexic/fragile/etc. And that's part of who I am.'

Don't be taken in Headmind's tendency to run away from problems:

'I am ill/unemployed/broke and I need to stop pretending I'm not.'

If life truly is bad for you right now then give yourself permission to be unhappy:

'This is one of the worst periods of my life. It's not surprising I am feeling so down.'

And - whatever you do - don't put on that fake smile and tell people you're fine when you really are not!

 

I wish all my readers a genuinely happy year ahead.

 

Amadeus

 

 

 

Apologies to my readers for my absence recently; I am ill with one of those weird, flu-like viruses that are going the rounds.

It gives me the chance to sit downstairs in my dressing-gown and go through my DVD collection again, catching up on some old favourites.

One of those is Amadeus, which I have seen at least twice before, but which brought tears to my eyes when I saw it again. One reason for that was the music of the divine Mozart. Another reason was the central story-line: the confusion and rage that genius provokes in people around them, and the tragedy that frequently results.

There is a riveting, Oscar-winning performance by Murray Abraham as Antonio Salieri, the composer who is driven mad by what he calls 'the creature' - Mozart. Salieri is a good guy: he is humble, loves his work, strives to help and teach others, is a loyal servant of the Emperor Joseph II, and wants only to serve God by becoming a better musician. Yet he becomes bitter, and is eventually driven insane, by the thought that a loud-mouthed, dirty-minded, sex-obsessed, arrogant, idiot is, nevertheless, performing the most perfect music ever written. Without forethought, without notes and, sometimes even, without a score-sheet in front of him.

Although the script exaggerates, we know that Mozart, in private life, was fond of partying and, like Beethoven, was fond of the bottle, a factor which may have contributed to his death from rheumatic fever at the age of 35. He was not an educated person and, when not composing, was frequently in the tavern playing billiards, cards and practical jokes on other people.

In one scene Salieri attends a masked ball, at which Mozart is also present. Mozart loses a game of musical chairs and his forfeit is to play a theme on the piano in the style of Bach, then the same theme backwards without looking at the keyboard, then, comically, in the style of Salieri, ending with a tremendous fart.

Salieri swears to take vengeance on God for mocking him and using the creature to do so.

For those of us who have spent time studying the way in which Headmind, and the Ego, work, Salieri's mistakes become clear from the film:

He is not really interested in music for it's own sake, but in fame.

He does not have a genius for musical composition, but only for teaching music to others,

He is deluded by his status at the court of Joseph II and imagines that he is more important than he really is.

He won't accept his own genius for what it is, and be satisfied with what he can do, rather than with what he cannot do.

He wants to 'own' Mozart and remodel him to his own way of thinking, and becomes jealous when this proves impossible

He imagines that life should somehow be fair, and reward him for having good thoughts.

He does not see (until the very end) that Mozart's genius extracts a terrible price from Mozart himself.

Perhaps the greatest scene is the one at the very end (although this one is the most fictional of them all). Salieri tries to finish Mozart by first commissioning him to write the Requiem (Mozart's final, posthumous, work) and then forcing him to finish it even while he is on his death-bed. But even he is moved by the final few hours of genius at work.

The scene is the one I have included from Youtube.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Your seven deadly sins

Contrary to what many people believe, the seven deadly sins are not spiritual lapses but examples of wrong thinking. That is to say, they are Headmind disturbances.

About 1600 years ago some Christian writers recorded eight 'evil thoughts', which, they considered, got in the way of our connection to the divine. Later on the original eight boiled down to become seven. They were:

• Self-indulgence
• Lust
• Greed
• Despair
• Rage 
• Sloth
• Vanity

Self-indulgence. In the original Latin this was luxuria, or a love of luxury. But what it really means is worrying about your possessions: houses, holidays, cars, mobile phones and CD players, etc. We can become so obsessed with what we have got, or with what we haven't got that we forget to enjoy ourselves. Like all the other sins, possesiveness, is based on a loss of Awareness.

Lust. This relates to what D.H. Lawrence calls 'head sex', which has nothing to do with love or affection for another human being but simply using them (or fantasising about them) for personal gratification. Lust is closely linked to self-indulgence and greed (see below). In fact all three work together to the same result: a chronic state of dissatisfaction which the Buddha called 'dukka' (see my recent article on this: Zen things).

Greed. This one could be translated as 'addictiveness'. In which the person is never satisfied with momentary happiness, or pleasure, but always wants more. Eventually, we become addicted to particular substances, or situations, that we mistakenly believe will result in ecstasy. But the law of diminishing returns will always prevail. Some people think greed is a Bodymind problem. It isn't. Bodymind always knows when you have enough of food, drink and other substances. But Headmind clings on to pleasure because it is frightened it will never come back. So it always wants more than Bodymind can tolerate. 

Despair. Another word for this is 'hopelessness', or even, self-pity. When life gets difficult Headmind just wants to give up. Instead of looking at ways to overcome problems, or to learn how to cope with them, it wants to hide away. This is the basis for what I have elsewhere called the 'Victim position'.

Rage. Not to be confused with Anger, which is a natural emotion. Rage means not doing anything about emotions like anger and bottling them up to the explosion point. Headmind is typically frightened of emotions and would prefer to ignore them. But emotions, as I have written before, are the key to an interesting life. And, where anger is concerned, it can teach us to build better relationships with other people through honest, and constructive, communication. I have written several articles about rage before and you can find them here.

Sloth. This sin has a lot do with with clinging on to your comfort zones. Instead of taking risks, exploring new horizons, exercising your pasion, and finding out more about your personal genius, you settle back into a rut. Because it somehow seems safer that way. Not a good idea.

Vanity. This one is about self-satisfaction and is a reflection of your Ego: holding on to ideas that are past their sell-by date and refusing to be humble and learn anything new. It is closely related to sloth and the end-result is the same: emotional, mental and spiritual stagnation.

One final thought: the word 'repentance' does not mean 'remorse'. It means 'think again.'

                                                                                      'There is no sin except stupidity'. Oscar Wilde.

Death? No worries

As a child Death terrified me.

When I was six years old the kind old lady next door who used to give me sweets died. I asked my father what had happened to her. Reluctantly he mumbled that she had gone and wouldn’t be coming back (Dad was never very good at the metaphysical stuff).

‘Well, where is she now?”, I asked.   

‘Up there’ he said, his finger pointing to the ceiling.

Even at six-and-a-half years old I was smart enough to realise that living in the clouds wasn't an obvious life-choice. So I persisted with the interrogation.

‘Does everyone die, Daddy?’.

‘Yes – everyone. Everyone.’ He looked embarrassed, as he always did when he couldn't give complete explanations. For me the fact that he didn't KNOW the answer scared me a lot - it was my first realisation that adults were as clueless about the Universe as I was.

From then, for quite a few years, I thought about it a lot. How could people just vanish? It seemed ridiculous. I would walk home from school and look at all the grave-stones in the cemetery. Here someone's 'dearly beloved' had expired in 1887. Over there a 'wonderful father' had 'gone to join Jesus' in 1956, the year I was born. Another grave, surmounted by a huge, sorrowing angel, announced that the loved one was awaiting the 'last trumpet'.

Once they had lived and breathed and walked as I was doing now. But - now - nothing. Later on, in my teens, I found my thoughts echoed by the poet, Philip Larkin:

I work all day, and get half drunk at night.

Waking at four to soundless dark, I stare.

In time the curtain edges will grow light.

Till then I see what's really always there:

Unresting death, a whole day nearer now,

Making all thought impossible but how

And where and when I shall myself die.

Arid interrogation: yet the dread

Of dying, and being dead,

Flashes afresh to hold and horrify.

The mind blanks at the glare. 

Not in remorse 
- The good not used, the love not given, time


Torn off unused - nor wretchedly because
An only life can take so long to climb


Clear of its wrong beginnings, and may never:


But at the total emptiness forever,
 The sure extinction that we travel to


And shall be lost in always. Not to be here,
 Not to be anywhere,


And soon; nothing more terrible, nothing more true.

Yet the dread of death is entirely created by the Ego. It's real worry is that this unique, ‘special’, person that I am will cease to be. That it is frightening to think that this world existed for eternity before I was born and will continue to exist for an eternity without me (let us leave aside the after-life for, as the Buddha once told us, we can know nothing about it. And, in any case, even Souls will be extinguished eventually, as the Hindus teach).

The solution: the way to let go of this dread of Death is to recognise that:

a) it is a hallucination created in Headmind

b) and that Present Moment Awareness dissolves it

The hallucination is easy to explain if you have been following my previous posts on how Headmind works. In this case Headmind (Larkin's included) is making up a story-line which goes something like this:

I - this special person I am, is indispensable - I must not die - But I will die - Then there is Nothing.

At this point Headmind will typically come up with nightmarish images of this 'Nothing' in future time - darkness; a void; an emptiness; pictures of infinite space, etc. This image, because it does not include the self, seems to wipe everything out, to make existence meaningless. And because Headmind imagines that our Ego is the most important thing in the Universe it whispers to us: 'Nothing more terrible, nothing more true..."

Tolstoy, in his melodramatic short story, The Death Of Ivan Ilyich, gives a good description of this kind of thinking. Essentially, Ivan Ilyich, tortures himself about his impending death by continually worrying about the mistakes he has made in the past, and that he cannot control what is about to happen to him. But - at the point of death - he learns to let go of the delusion:

"At that very moment Ivan Ilych fell through and caught sight of the light, and it was revealed to him that though his life had not been what it should have been, this could still be rectified. He asked himself, "What *is* the right thing?" and grew still, listening. Then he felt that someone was kissing his hand. He opened his eyes, looked at his son, and felt sorry for him. His wife camp up to him and he glanced at her. She was gazing at him open-mouthed, with undried tears on her nose and cheek and a despairing look on her face. He felt sorry for her too.

"Yes, I am making them wretched," he thought. "They are sorry, but it will be better for them when I die." He wished to say this but had not the strength to utter it. "Besides, why speak? I must act," he thought. with a look at his wife he indicated his son and said: "Take him away...sorry for him...sorry for you too...." He tried to add, "Forgive me," but said "Forego" and waved his hand, knowing that He whose understanding mattered would understand.

And suddenly it grew clear to him that what had been oppressing him and would not leave his was all dropping away at once from two sides, from ten sides, and from all sides. He was sorry for them, he must act so as not to hurt them: release them and free himself from these sufferings. "How good and how simple!" he thought. "And the pain?" he asked himself. "What has become of it? Where are you, pain?"

He turned his attention to it.

"Yes, here it is. Well, what of it? Let the pain be."

"And death...where is it?"

He sought his former accustomed fear of death and did not find it. "Where is it? What death?" There was no fear because there was no death.

In place of death there was light.

"So that's what it is!" he suddenly exclaimed aloud. "What joy!"

In the story Ivan Ilyich finds comfort from one of his servants, the peasant Geryasim, a 'simple soul', who radiates calm, compassion, and an ability to live in the moment. Which brings us to the second solution.

Present Moment Awareness is the aim of meditation, as well as Reverse Therapy. When you are in this state of Awareness you cannot, by definition, be frightened of death - even if you have a dangerous illness. Living in the moment means you are not living in Headmind. Which, in turn, means, you are living in the only reality that exists. When we are truly alive – right now – nothing disturbs us. We are at peace. And, in such experiences we know – through Bodymind – that something very powerful works in, and for, and through, us. And that something never dies. Only Headmind, and the Ego, dies.

‘Nothing burns in hell except self-will.’

Theologia Germanica

Is your Personality based on your Blood Group?

Fans of this Blog will know that I am sceptical about theories of personality. I really don't believe people either have, or need to have, a fixed personality. Nor do I believe that standard personality tests are that accurate. And even if they are accurate at this moment in time they may not be so next year.

You will also know from me that you are better off losing your Ego and your Personality (if you have one) because they limit your possibilities, intensify your bananas, keep you in your comfort zone, and stifle your Personal Genius.

However a Japanese friend of mind asks whether I have heard of the concept of ketsu-eki-gata, in which temperament is said to be influenced by the individual''s blood group. Since there are only 4 groups:  A, O, B and AB it would seem that there are four basic types - as shown in the table below (click on it to enlarge):

  

She goes on to say:

'If this idea has some truth in it then in we have more evidence that Bodymind - working through the blood-group - has an influence on our preferences, our moods, the way we express emotions, our behaviors, our attitude towards other people, and our career choices.'

It could be that she has a point if we consider that blood group types might influence temperament (emotional make-up) rather than personality. But nobody has yet been able to show whether there is a link, and how it works, although theories like this are at least 2500 years old.

She tells me that in Japan and Korea, blood groups are widely used by dating agencies to match people up, and by employers in order to assess whether applicants are 'right' for the job.

Apparently my own blood group - B - has a bad reputation in Korea and Japan as we are widely viewed as mad, bad, and dangerous to know.

A few years ago Dr Peter D'Adamo published a book in which he argued that people could more easily lose weight by following the right diet for their blood type. So Blood Group O should avoid wheat and dairy; Group A should follow a mostly vegetarian diet; Group AB the same as A, but with occasional meat and fish; while Group B should avoid nuts (one of my favorites!) and processed foods like white bread. If this is the case (and this is still a controversial theory) then it suggests that blood groups can influence taste as well as metabolism. So why not temperament?

I ran the description of the 'B' personality past my wife and a few friends and they all agree that it is fairly accurate of me. That doesn't make it true though!

What do you think? Do you - and those close to you - believe that these descriptions fit you?

And - for you readers who know me personally - do you think that Type B is accurate?

I promise to publish all replies - appreciative or sceptical, and flattering or non-flattering!

Enneagram II

This is the second in a series of articles on the Enneagram and, if you haven't read it yet, it would be a good idea to read the first article here.

Some of you may have taken one of the two Enneagram Personality tests I recommended in that article. If you did then it is important to remind you of the following principle:

Whichever of the Nine Enneagram 'personalities' you think you have (or scored highest for) you should fight as hard as you can not to be that particular way. In short, you should lose that ossified way of being.

For example, until recently I scored high for the Number 8. Here is a description of the Eight by The Enneagram Institute:

Eights are self-confident, strong, and assertive. Protective, resourceful, straight-talking, and decisive, but can also be ego-centric and domineering. Eights feel they must control their environment, especially people, sometimes becoming confrontational and intimidating. Eights typically have problems with their tempers and with allowing themselves to be vulnerable.

In order to avoid the fate of becoming fixated on strength (and thereby making myself obsessional about it) I had to let go of the banana about having to 'be in control'. In point of fact I never particularly wanted to be in control of anything until I became a well-known therapist. After that point my Headmind decided that it had something to prove to people who did therapy or training with me, and then the banana about having to be 'strong' started to work on me. Before that particular delusion took over I usually scored high on the Number 5 personality. Here is a description of that one from the same source:

Fives are alert, insightful, and curious. They are able to concentrate and focus on developing complex ideas and skills. Independent, innovative, and inventive, they can also become preoccupied with their thoughts and imaginary constructs. They become detached, yet high-strung and intense. They typically have problems with eccentricity, nihilism, and isolation.

I would guess that I was a 'Five' all the way from my teenage years until about 10 years ago, when I learnt to see through that false ego. What drove it was my emerging experience of being typed as 'deaf and therefore 'stupid' and 'inadequate'. That was why I went for one banana about having to be a know-all and another one about having to live in an ivory tower. Neither obsession did me any good.

Here are the fixations that go with each of the nine types.

The One: Has to be in the right. Must never be in the wrong. The Perfectionist.

The Two: Has to look after others. Must never be rejected. The Martyr.

The Three. Has to be a success. Must never be second-best. The Workaholic.

The Four. Has to be admired. Must never be ignored. The Show-off.

The Five. Has to know everything. Must never be caught out. The Loner.

The Six. Has to belong. Must never stand out from the crowd. The Conformist.

The Seven. Has to be happy. Must not be sad. The Addict.

The Eight. Has to be in Control. Must not be weak. The Bully.

The Nine. Has to be inside the Comfort Zone. Must not get stressed. The Slob.

Enneagram

This is the first in the series of articles about the Enneagram.

The Enneagram is a method through which you can understand human personality. There are 9 personality types, which I will describe in later articles.

I have written about Personality - and also about the Ego - before. In the system of Reverse Therapy, your personality/ego is a creation of Headmind, which bears no relation to who you actually are.

A common problem with  Enneagram books is that they try to label people as belonging to a certain 'type'. Nothing could be further from the truth. All that knowing someone's Enneagram type will tell you is how far they have got stuck in Headmind.

You are far more than your personality. Somewhere, deep down, you possess a Personal Genius which holds  the personality you give out to others in contempt, and which seeks to break free of it. Personal Genius, if anything can be, is your real self. But you have no control over it for that was given to you at birth.

Your Enneagram personality, by contrast, is something you need to work on in order to abolish it. Your personality is not you; rather it is your Prison.

The ideal, the goal, is to become ego-less and to cease to possess a personality.

Only then can you become that which you are truly are. Gurdjieff, the originator of the Enneagram taught precisely this.

Before you read the second article in this series you might want to take the Enneagram test and here are two:

Eclectic Energies (This is a free test which is reasonably accurate).

The Riso Hudson test (The Riso-Hudson test is the most thorough test currently available. It costs $10.00).

What to do when you meet a guru

In Reverse Therapy we teach people that no one is wiser than anyone else. That the only expert that there can be on your life is you. Bodymind and your Personal Genius should be your sole teachers (along with those very few partners and friends who understand both).

Gurus are people who claim to know more about how you should live your life than you do yourself. Some of them have good advice to give; most do not. And even those who know something you don't may not know an awful lot of things that you do.  But the worst problem is that many gurus are, in fact, undesirables. Like:

          Gandhi (Bully, Nazi-supporter)

          Gurdjieff (Alcoholic/food addict)

          Stalin (Alcoholic)

Adolf Hitler (Sexual pervert)

Mao-Zedong (Sadist)

L. Ron Hubbard (Sexual abuser)

The Maharishi (Sex pest)

Osho (Sex addict - also had unresolved Chronic fatigue syndrome)

Charles Manson (Murderer)

Jim Jones (Sex addict).

The list isn't just restricted to these famous names. There are many therapists, self-help experts and politicians out there with similar attitudes. I also know of a few famous (and not so well-known) gurus still alive whose private activities have little to do with their preachings.

If you set someone else up as your guide to life then you are giving away your power, your self-respect and your mind. You are forcing yourself to wear somebody else's spectacles. You may even have become a member of the herd that follows that particular leader. I have written before about how slavery can be bad for your personal health. In another post - Murderous obedience - I described how psychological experiments have mapped out the steps through which exaggerated respect for authority can lead to murder.

When you deliver your judgment over to a guru, you are also creating an idol out of that person. And glossing over the fact that that person will be at least as much screwed-up and (sometimes) clueless as you are. In a way that is different from you but just as real.

But the problems that Gurus have as human beings is really by the way as far as you are concerned. The problems they have belong to them, not to you. Your mission in life is to work to reduce your own personal weaknesses while at the same time fulfilling your mission for being here. And no one else can show you how to do that.

Here are some useful clues that will help you spot a guru:

• Claims to have access to a special revelation denied to other people
• Is always right
• Tries to look different to everybody else (flowing robes and uniforms are a favourite)
• Has some weird ideas, mingled with some common-sense ones 
• Claims to have unique powers denied to the rest of us
• Talks a lot about spirituality and/or her god-given mission
• Claims to be saving people from bad forces
• Complete inability to laugh at himself
• Works hard at putting across a 'charismatic' personality
• Will never talk about her private life
• When criticised will either get very aggressive or condescending with you

And here's what to do if one of them comes on to you:

Watch the Mike Myers' movie, The Love Guru (3 times), before parting with your money, your virginity, or your sanity. This will also help recover your sense of humor.

Hire a private detective to find out more about their private life

When they start to preach, laugh  (they will conclude either that you are an idiot or a competitor, and will lose interest either way).

Ask lots of questions. And go on questioning the answers you get.

Keep reminding yourself that no one can know more about your life - and its unique problems and experiences - than you do.

Trust in your Personal Genius.

Hugh Laurie, Schopenhauer, and the art of life

This is the follow up article to Schopenhauer: a philosophy for grumpy people? Which attracted  a good response from many readers, many of whom had never heard of him, and were intrigued by his pessimism. Like Hugh Laurie in House he attracts people with his attitude problem.

In fact both Dr Gregory House and Schopenhauer have much in common:

• Both are loners
• Unconventional thinkers
• Grumpiness combined with a wish to help others
• Black humour
• Grim realism
• Mockery of conventional, pompous, people and ideas
• Atheism
• Disillusion
• A (well-disguised) compassion for others.
• Both are skilled wind-up merchants

For Schopenhauer, the world was a place he never made and little admired. Unlike almost all other philosophers, he did not believe that human beings were created to be happy. The reason for that is that our Will for personal gratification is out of all proportion to what Life can actually offer us. That, he claimed, was the reason for our continually recurring states of frustration, heartache and boredom.

Now, while I believe Schopenhauer was right in some of his diagnoses, I disagree about the cause. It is not the Universal Will which is the cause of personal misery but Headmind obsessions working through the Ego. I have written about this before in my article on How your Head F*cks You Up. 

While I agree with Schopenhauer that we are not created to be happy (because we are blessed/cursed with an enlarged Headmind/Pre-frontal cortex), I disagree that we cannot, in fact find it. We can find it if we persist, through Awareness, and through downsizing the Ego.

However, I will leave you with a few more conclusions from the Master:

• Make good use of the only thing you can control: your conscious mind.
• Strive to live in the Now
• Set limits everywhere: on desires, wealth and power. 
• Accept limitations: that leads to peace of mind. 
• Accept misfortunes: only dwell on them if you can change something about them.
• Seek out personal space and time for yourself; other people may try rob you of peace of mind.
• Keep busy, always.
• Do not expect too much from other people: like you they are only human.
• In the long run, assume disappointment will be your lot more times than not.
• You are not alone: others share your disappointments.
• Your recognition of your shared humanity with others is the basis for compassion.
• This recognition frees you from the Ego.
• At times of great difficulty you can take consolation from the fact that every other human being has endured similar difficulties.
• Contemplation of Nature, Art, Music, Literature and the Spectacle of life raises you above it.

Why guilt is useless

Guilt is a delusionary state. It doesn't serve you at all and is a creation of the imagination; of Headmind's drive towards conformity.

Here's how Headmind creates Guilt:

1. Headmind is stuffed full of judgments about the person you could be, should be, should not be, etc. Those judgments were not originally your own but inherited from other people. But gradually you internalised them and they became self-judgments.

2. These judgments are re-activated by parents, teachers, priests, employers, children and partners who may be exploiting you.

3. Your Headmind buys into those judgments because it seeks acceptance, conformity, and admiration (even from people who don't deserve your respect).

4. Dwelling on occasions in which guilt comes up - and Headmind judges you - creates uncomfortable Bodymind reactions: cringing, agitation, distress. Although Bodymind creates that discomfort in order to warn you not to indulge in guilt, Headmind interprets this as a signal that you are, indeed, a 'bad' person, worthy of punishment.

Here's another way to understand 'Guilt':

1. Earlier societies did not recognise a psychological state known as 'guilt'. For them 'guilt' was simply another word for 'debt' (as in the German/Saxon word: 'gultig'). It simply meant that one person had harmed another and was unable to put things right. For example, one person stole another person's property but was too poor to pay it back - therefore he was 'guilty' and subject to the penalties of the community.

2. Religious influences gradually changed this original meaning of guilt into 'personal sin'.

3.  When Psychology started up in Germany and America in the 19th century it took over religious ideas about 'sin' and reinterpreted them in terms of 'good' and 'evil' actions. So doing one 'bad' thing made you an 'evil' or 'guilty' person - instead of someone who simply made a mistake.  

4. Mistakes and 'bad' actions you committed in the past were based on the knowledge you possessed at the moment you committed them, no matter how daft. For example: you shop-lifted, knowing you couldn't afford something but that you 'had' to have the item anyway. You let the Headmind state of greed get the better of you.

5. Therefore your past mistakes were based on inadequate knowledge (you thought it was ok to steal, or that you wouldn't get caught, or that it wouldn't matter if you did get caught). Your predictions turned out to be wrong, although you didn't  realise that at the time.

6. Your present self-judgments are based on a false premise: your present self blames your past self even though your past self did not possess the experience of knowledge your present self now has.

Here is the truth:

1. You did not actually have free will back then when you committed your error of judgment. You did what you had to do at the time because you lacked Awareness.

2. Indulging in Headmind worry (i.e. analyzing over and over again about what an 'evil' person you were/are) may actually get in the way of your attempts to put things right.

3. If you have really done somebody wrong you could connect to the emotion of remorse and get on with making amends, rather than wasting time on guilt.


Image by Jsome1