Reverse Thinking

A new solution for anxiety, worry, obsessions and lots more besides

Research shows that at least 10% of the population, at any one time, suffer from an anxiety disorder. But if you take into account the figures for those experiencing stress-related problems - which are clearly related to worry and anxiety - the figures are likely to be far higher. And most of us have problems with negative thinking: gloomy thoughts about the future, guilt over the past, the idea that we can't cope with the present and obsessions about having to get it all right.

On that subject the National Institute of Mental Health - NIMH - calculates that around 1% of the population in the USA suffer from Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder - or OCD - (that's over 3 million people). But millions more are bothered by obsessions about work, about our personal appearance, about our success or failure in life and anything else that might have to do with the Ego. Incidentally, obsessions are also the driver for addictions to drugs, alcohol and gambling, about which I wrote in my last series of articles.

I have recently been carrying out renewed work with clients suffering from chronic worry, panic attacks, OCD, negative thoughts and anxiety. As a result I have been refining my method of working with these problems. The next few articles show the way out.

The method comprises four basic steps as follows:

• 1. Change Position
• 2. Change Attitude
• 3. Change Focus
• 4. Practice Mindfulness

For any worry, obsession or negative thought you first change your position to it. Instead of identifying the thought as coming from you, instead you change to seeing the worry as coming from IT - meaning Headmind at it's worst.

Next you change your attitude to these 'Headmind tapes'. Instead of getting upset by them you learn how to get bored with them, or to laugh at them, or to treat them with the contempt they deserve.

Then you change your focus of attention, immediately engaging Headmind with something focused, productive, entertaining or calming to do.

Finally, you practice Mindfulness on a daily basis. This could entail Meditation, Yoga, Tai Chi, Qui Gung, Sensate focusing or a myriad other ways of focusing on Bodymind or on present moment awareness. This isn't strictly a 'fourth step' but a way of making the other three steps easier to practice.

More on this method in the articles that follow.

So stay tuned.

How to make that breakthrough

My good friend and collaborator Mark McGuinness recently alerted me to a stimulating new book by Steven Pressfield called Do The Work which is about a subject dear to my heart: how to overcome Headmind when it is messing your life up.

I was doubly intrigued because Steven Pressfield once wrote a powerful historical novel about the 300 Spartans at Thermopylae called Gates of Fire - one of the very few books of that kind which had me (and my wife) in tears by the end.

Taking time off from writing fiction Steven's new, very short, book is about how to achieve your goals when you don't think you can.

The premise is simple: whenever you work on a project that is really important to you, but which is going to take time, hard work, and personal sacrifice then you are going to hit a wave of resistance. And that resistance comes not from outside but from within;  your own personal version of Headmind in fact: doubts, excuses, distractions, worries, whinges, procrastination, or so-called 'low self-esteem' - in which Headmind keeps on repeating the mantra that there is no point in your doing anything very much because it is bound to end in failure.

The solution is also simple: just do it. Once you have decided that the project really is important to you then you ignore Headmind when it is trying to do you down and sabotage your goals. Specifically, you ignore the Chatterbox. Or just tell it to shut the fuck up while you get on with things.

Here are some examples from the world of Therapy:

You are working on your recovery from Depression and you have decided to get out more. The Inner Voice says 'what's the point?'. Your response: go ahead and call a friend and make that date regardless.

You are working on Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and you have decided to increase your morning exercise routine to 10 minutes. Your Internal Saboteur says: 'you'll make yourself ill'. Your response: increase it to 15 minutes.

You are working on Anxiety. Your Internal Control Freak says: 'I worry that you won't be able to stop worrying because you have been a worrier all your life....'. Your response: you focus your attention on a non-worrisome activity for the next few hours.

One difference between using Steven's method on creative work, and using it on personal problems is this: in creative work you just get on with the project (for example: your next novel, or work idea, house redesign, etc.). In that way you force Headmind to get on with doing something useful.

Whereas if you are depressed, anxious, obsessional, etc., you may need to give Headmind some substitute activities to do. A good example relates to giving up drug/alcohol/cigarette/ gambling addictions. Whenever the Internal Saboteur twitters on about needing a fix/drink/fag/bet then you just do a 180 degree attention turn and go off and do something more worthwhile. My experience with my clients is that when they do this repeatedly, then over the ensuing weeks that Internal Voice will gradually dwindle away to a whisper.

There is an excellent interview with Steven Pressfield, in which he discusses the approach, on the Lateral Action site, which you can read here.

 

Image by permission of Fuyoh

Do you control your mind - or does it control you?

This is yet another addition to the lenghthening list of articles on controlling Headmind that have appeared on this blog.

It seems to be the one problem most people struggle with in therapy and in life:

• Eliminating negative thoughts
• Ignoring the Chatterbox
• Laughing off worries
• Heading off panic attacks
• Forgetting guilt
• Putting the brakes on obsessions
• Doing the dirty on perfectionism
• Postponing procrastination

So I am continually being asked for more techniques on how to control what some people like to call 'Rational Mind' when it is doing dumb, stupid, things. And I agree that it helps to have a variety of techniques on offer so that if one does not work something else will. So I am going to share one of my recent discoveries with you.

It came about when I was looking up one of my favourite works - The Wasteland - by T.S. Eliot and I was reminded that Eliot had, in fact, had a nervous breakdown shortly before completing the poem.

(If you would like to benefit from a nervous breakdown yourself then read my prior article on this).

I then learnt that Eliot recovered from his breakdown in a sanatorium in Lausanne during the summer of 1922 while under the supervision of Dr Roger Vittoz, who treated anxiety problems by teaching his patients how to control Headmind with the aid of specific techniques devised by him.

His premise is that anxious people have lost control of their own minds and are paying attention to garbage. When they learn how to edit out negative words, objects, images and statements and replace it with their own content they get back control. Many of his exercises seem quite trivial at first but if you practice doing them every day for, say, a few weeks, the accumulative effect is that one is back in charge. And I can vouch from personal observation that some of the exercises work very quickly indeed. 

One of them works like this.

Write out a worry statement. For example:

I CAN'T COPE WITH OTHER PEOPLE

Now imagine that you are flashing up each letter on a screen, one by one, until you have the complete statement.

Now delete each letter of the statement one-by-one, working backwards.

Next, you replace the first statement with something more empowering. For example:

I AM LEARNING HOW TO COPE BETTER

And then you 'flash' each letter of that statement up on the screen until it is complete. Look at the statement for a few moments, and then decide on one thing you can do in order to act on it.

Like all Vittoz's techniques, it works on repetition. So use it every time you catch Headmind giving you a hard time with that particular worry.

If you would like to get a free copy of the English translation of Vittoz's book on mind control  - How to Control Your Brain at Will then you can download it from here.

 

Think less be more

This is a continuation of my last article on dumb thinking and how to avoid it.

Here are a few more ground rules to begin with:

Think less not more.

In general, Western societies make a fetish of thinking. In the name of 'Philosophy', 'Reason', 'Rationality', 'Science'. The idea being that, if we could only all learn to think like university lecturers then the world would be a better place. Unfortunately, history shows theat when intellectuals run the world, the place turns into a blood-bath. French 'thinkers' like Robespierre ramped up the Guillotine and The Terror while promoting The Goddess of Reason. While Lenin (author of 45 volumes of unreadable books) and Stalin (14 volumes) launched the greatest mass-murder in world history.

The result, working through the 'education' most of us receive is that we are encouraged to believe that the more we think the better life will be. Thereby ignoring the difference between enlightened thinking and destructive thinking. Enlightened thinkers are creative, communicate well, learn from their mistakes, solve problems and achieve goals. Destructive thinkers are bigots, racialists and religious maniacs. They can also be worriers, ditherers, perfectionists, guilt-trippers and depressives.

Although enlightened thinking is, perforce, good, the habit of thinking too much is to be avoided and should be balanced by present moment awareness, focused action and the cultivation of Bodymind. All these I have writen about elsewhere on this blog.

Cut down on information overload

This is really a continuation of the item before. Rarely can there have been a civilisation in history which has cultivated such a mania for information: books, newspapers, radio, television and the internet (and, yes, I know this article is on the internet - but the point remains true). I happened to be on an elevator inside the headquarters of a Bank in the City of London recently which was showing Sky News! Madness! And do any of us really need to know what journalists think about what is going on with Libya, Football matches and the Hollywood film business? 

Too much information leads to over-activity in the frontal lobes in the brain, which are the seat of Headmind. Leading to an unbalanced, fretful, cerebral approach to life. And a corresponding loss of connection to Bodymind, as well as the exercise of emotional intelligence.

Be sceptical about words

I have written about this subject elsewhere, in my article on The Danger of Words. 

Be sceptical about theories

One very bad symptom of the common adoration of scientists, psychologists, Freudian therapists and medical doctors is that we are bombarded with 'explanations' for why we human beings behave the way we do. These include, but are not limited to, the following absurd ideas:

That science explains things (it only theorises).

That we possess an 'Unconscious mind'

That human beings are rational

That childhood experiences determine personality

That we have free will

500 years ago 'depression' was thought by many writers to be caused by an excess of black bile in the blood. Now the fashionable theory is that it is caused by an excess of serotonin in the brain. Both theories are simplistic and neither is true. Nor will knowing either theory help you get better.

 

Dumb thinking

I received a complaint from a reader a while ago that this blog is far too negative about what I call 'Headmind'.

My reader reminds me:

"Without Headmind there would be no language and no communication between human beings. And without those basic cognitive abilities there would be no social rules, no laws and, therefore, no community. Indeed, we would not be able to share experiences and empathise with others and we would not be able to have any kind of relationship with our fellow creatures.

Without Consciousness we would not be capable of reflecting on experience and to make inferences, deductions, generalisations and theories - meaning, in turn, that we would be completely unable to learn anything new whatever.

Although Headmind (as you say) can be stupid, irrational and destructive it is also responsible for tremendous creative discoveries, such as those in mathematics, physics, chemistry, biology, medicine, architecture, transportation, engineering and information technology. Without the intellect there could be no science, philosophy, no art, no literature, no music and no innovation of any kind. Nor, of course, would you have been able to write any of your books or your blog."

Point taken, and it therefore seems appropriate to start up a new series on how to think properly.

First up is that you don’t need to have a high IQ, or a degree, to be an effective thinker. I have met people blessed with what they tell me are 'high IQs' who are complete failures in life. Come to think of it, people who believe that IQ tests actually mean anything could be on a dumb track themselves. I write as someone whose own IQ has been scored at 138 but believes that to be a handicap rather than an advantage.

I have spent 11 years researching and lecturing at colleges and universities and many of the academics I have met have been amongst the most fucked-up people I know. They can be slaves to books; write (or talk) in incomprehensible jargon; remote from everyday life; lack common-sense; and have all the social skills of a failed rapist. And some of these have damnable mental health issues: one quite well known professor of psychology known to me has a serious social phobia, which forces him to run like hell as soon as his lectures finish, in case he actually has to talk to anyone. Another case - this one a senior lecturer in philosophy - is unable to operate a washing machine, change a bed, or boil an egg (although it could be that he is just very skilled at manipulating his women to do what he is too lazy to do himself). 

I have also met people who, like me, left school at 15 and who are sassy, street-wise, and successful. Who are 'clever' in terms of exercising wit, getting along with people, thinking clearly, making decisions, solving problems and achieving their goals. They also tend not to be bores, unlike many people who think of themselves as intellectually superior.

In my next post I will start detailing some ground rules for thinking effectively.

 

Are you really ok - or just pretending?

In my previous article but one - How to be a Failure - I wrote that Failures exist only in their heads.

To be sure, it is possible to fail an exam or a driving test, but I am not talking about reversals like that. What I am referring to is the kind of thinking that ends in self-judgments of one sort or another.

In the next article I will write about success thinking instead. But before you start learning more about that there is something you must first do in order to shake off the habit of thinking like a failure. And that is to stop pretending you don't have problems. That is: stop pretending to yourself and stop pretending to others. It's tiring and it doesn't work; at some level your bodymind always knows when you are lying to yourself and the result is a state of suffering.

As I wrote before, Headminds that don't work properly distort the meaning of set-backs and turn them into no-go areas:

• It's not ok to be unhappy
• It's not ok to be scared
• It's not ok to be angry
• It's not ok to be sad
• It's not ok to be alone
• It's not ok to get it wrong
• It's not ok to be ill
• It's not ok to be out of work
• It's not ok to be poor
• It's not ok to be disabled
• It's not ok to be rejected
• It's not ok to be different

If one of these states of affairs exists then your Ego will conclude that you have failed. It will then waste the next few weeks/months/years looking for the 'cause' of the problem in order to find something, or someone, to blame. The consequent worry states will trigger guilt, rage, anxiety or depression. 

Meanwhile, the internal control freak inside your head will be ordering you to keep up the ego facade that there is nothing wrong. One trivial way in which this manifests will be the silly grin and the 'Me! I'm fine!' answer many of us give to people when they ask us how we are when we are are not (although, I have given up asking people that question nowadays - it's unanswerable if you really think about it).

There are a number of other ways in which this process of denial works and here are some examples from my therapy case-book.

• The frightened client who, for months after he was made redundant, pretended to go in to the office every day because he didn't want his family to find out. He spent the rest of the day hiding in the public library.
• The resigned client who put up with years of marital unhappiness with the thought that 'all marriages are the same anyway'.
• The argumentative client who would go off into a rage rather than admit he had made a mistake.
• The dying client who refused to get proper help for his terminal cancer until it was too late because he 'didn't want to make a fuss'.
• The alcoholic client who could not stand his boredom with life and used alcohol to diffuse it.
• The cynical client who blamed other people and 'life' for his unhappiness in work and relationships.
• Then there is my own case, in which I pretended for years that I wasn't deaf so as not be seen as a 'freak'. This caused endless complications in relationships.

Don't be taken in by Headmind's way of turning problems into disasters and stick to the facts instead. Then give yourself permission to have whatever emotion you want. For example:

'The relationship is over and I am alone and I am really, really sad about that. I need to be with people.'

Don't be taken in by the Ego's need to be Superwoman. Be humble and take responsibility for your errors:

'I made a mistake. What can I do about it?'

And accept your limitations:

'I'm out of my depth here. Time to talk to someone.'

Don't be taken in by the Ego's need to be like others. Dare to be different:

'I am deaf/black/dyslexic/fragile/etc. And that's part of who I am.'

Don't be taken in Headmind's tendency to run away from problems:

'I am ill/unemployed/broke and I need to stop pretending I'm not.'

If life truly is bad for you right now then give yourself permission to be unhappy:

'This is one of the worst periods of my life. It's not surprising I am feeling so down.'

And - whatever you do - don't put on that fake smile and tell people you're fine when you really are not!

 

I wish all my readers a genuinely happy year ahead.

 

Recovering from Chronic Fatigue Syndrome

This is a reprise of an email session I held with a client two years ago. I have edited some details to preserve anonymity. She had Chronic Fatigue Syndrome for six years and is well now.

The aim is to give anyone with M.E/Chronic Fatigue Syndrome some thoughts on how to get well. And, of course, any of our clients in Reverse Therapy out there can learn from this too.

Client: During my second appointment with you last month I had difficulties in saying what I needed which you helped me to overcome by teaching me how to put things into words. I told you I was confused with what you were telling me and that I did not understand. You told me to establish contact with my Bodymind and I felt relieved. I think there is a lot of fear inside me. Fear of staying ill, fear of not being able to succeed with Reverse Therapy.

My comment: It is important to distinguish between Headmind worry and Bodymind fear. Bodymind sends you a fear emotion when it notices that you are vulnerable in some way – in order to encourage you to express your need for help and support, and take small steps to raise your confidence in that situation. Your Headmind worries about not being able to get well and not being able to do Reverse Therapy. This is natural but unhelpful. It is important not to give any time to these worries. Instead, do something like this:

• Go into your Body
• Remind yourself that you know how to be well
• Spend a little time in your body deciding what feels good to do next about your messages and go and do that straight away

Client: This is all Headmind stuff, I know, but fear is somewhere stuck deep in my cells. One day, soon after my first Reverse Therapy session I was in a meditation group – and we were guided to recall our most important event over the summer. I “went” to my first session with you while I was in a deep state of contemplation and I felt – very strongly and clearly – how something was “melting down inside” as tears were rolling down my face and this was helping my recovery. I was impressed when this “something” that I was feeling so clearly deep inside me came out as “fear”. That fear I felt at that time when I was recalling the first RT session was deep in my body and the whole process of retrieving that RT session while in a meditative state was helping a lot in letting it go.

My comment: This is good work! You may indeed have become vulnerable and your Body created fear to remind you to be gentle on yourself and take good care. There is no need to let go of fear – just honour it and act on it.

Client: Is this fear – which I’m not generally aware of – a fear that my Bodymind developed when I was under a lot of stress, specially when I had glandular fever and I kept working under stress, without resting? Is this fear misinterpreted by Headmind and leads me to be afraid of not being able to recover?

My comment: See above. But Headmind stuff will be worry rather than fear.

Client: One of my concerns is my need – I guess a Headmind demand to “understand”. Which probably comes from a need to control. So I spend too much time in my Head. Although I am learning that when I am living in the moment, in Bodymind, I feel at peace. But the thing is that I live in a world that is run by Headminds!

My comment: Yes – it is about ‘unlearning’ the Headmind habits and conditioning you received through unbalanced education. Reverse Therapy is a discipline (like meditation) which needs to be practiced every day until it becomes more natural to stay in the moment and let go of Headmind’s need to explain, worry and control. We have to acknowledge that the world is mostly run by ‘Headminds’ but that doesn’t mean we have to play that game any more

Client: Getting onto the more practical aspects of doing Reverse Therapy, I am not keeping the journal up to date. Nor am I planning activities. I have never been good at organizing my time. And having spent 4 years without working has not helped me much in that.

My comment: OK – let’s not make the Journal into a burden for you. It is only used to help you remember the discipline of noticing your symptoms, acting on the messages, and noticing what happens to the symptoms. But if it has become another Headmind chore for you then let’s drop it for now.

Client: I am now trying to do more things I enjoy – like visiting friends, arranging dinner-parties, shopping, and the like. And I have had fun, and people who knew me before the illness have mentioned to me how much more energy I have. It shows in the way I talk, in how I am with people, and in the joy I have in doing things. Just as an illustration, the other day, over a dinner with a group of friends, I told a joke – a long one! And I realized when I was about to start that it was the first time I had done that for more than 4 years! 

My comment: Very good! Please do more of this as your Body clearly enjoys being with your friends. Interestingly, it has been established that laughter is a sure way to enable Bodymind to release endorphins, which both reduce symptoms and confirm that you are on the right path towards recovery.

Client: Yet a couple of hours before we all met for dinner I had symptoms. My energy level was very low, I was feeling sick and I just wanted to lie down. There was kind of a “fight” inside me and finally I won through the faith I have in you. My Headmind could not get that something other than lying down could help me in that situation. But I trusted Reverse Therapy and I did what I was told to do in these situations. I regained confidence and energy started to come back. The problem was my partner was late getting back from work and we were going to be late for dinner. After getting into Bodymind and reading the message I started to act with serenity and coped with the situation. The dinner went great!

My comment: Excellent! You really let go of that Headmind trap there!

Client: Next day, we had a lunch at home with a friend. I woke up very tired and thinking I could not be able to manage it. I was feeling sick again. Headmind telling me it was because I had done too much the day before (although I didn’t believe it). We normally do things at the last minute and my Body was probably telling me to slow down. After reading my message I calmed down and I decided to take it easy and got on with other things. It was like I was expressing my needs to myself. It worked well. We both enjoyed having lunch with our friend and we had a wonderful time.

My comment. Hmmmm. Might be an idea to get together with your partner and look at some ways for you both to have more time to get ready.

Client: One of the things that concerns me a lot is my sleep. I seem to need to sleep forever. As a student, I always stayed up until late during exams and woke up late in the morning. When I was working, I always tended to stay late to do tasks that required more concentration. What is happening now is that, in the absence of any activity that requires me to be somewhere early, I tend to wake up very late in the morning, which gets me very restful but feeling quite useless.

My comment: I am afraid it does take time for your Body clock to get back to normal. It is important not to stay in bed too long but get on with activities you have planned for that day. Please also ensure that each week has a balance of early nights and late nights. Remember, your Body might be using morning fatigue to warn you that there is not much enjoyment available. Finally, watch out for Headmind and its yada-yada-yada about your being ‘useless’ because you have symptoms.

Client: The other main concern is about my poor skills in planning and organizing. As I told you, I have never been good at that, but now it’s even worse. Over the week I have few fixed activities, but I still struggle to get to them in time. And I have not yet learnt how to fill the gaps in between, unless I improve, which does not take me very far. I simply do not know how to design an activity schedule. I feel quite frustrated and helpless about that, especially now that I realized how important it is for my recovery,

My comment: Can you not get your partner or a friend to help you do this? Otherwise we can work on it together when you next see me.

Client: Something else I wish to tell you is that I have put my hopes in Reverse Therapy and that I trust you. I think you are a very talented person and I feel very thankful to be able to get Reverse Therapy from you. I also get lots of confidence from reading the testimonials of people who have undertaken Reverse Therapy and have recovered. But my Headmind –here it is again – keeps damaging my hopes with doubts. One of them has to do with the apparent simplicity of the method. If Reverse Therapy is so simple then I think that what I have suffered during these years was “only in my mind”. I fought a lot during these years against the doctors who had no idea about this illness and who have even told me that I had nothing wrong with me. And when I asked them why I was feeling so ill they would shrug.

My comment. Your symptoms were certainly not all in your mind! Reverse Therapy is simple (although not always easy) but Headmind always wants it to be more complicated because it demands ‘explanations’ and intellectual control.

Client. Am I fearing recovery? Am I fearing that this is an underlying process that I cannot understand? I trust you, and I just want to be very honest with myself and to you, so I can help you to help me.

My comment. No – this is your Headmind daring not to believe that you can be totally well. Because all it has ever known for the last six years is pain, exhaustion and worry. The more days you have when your energy comes back and your symptoms go, then the easier it will be for Headmind to let go of the idea that you cannot get well.

Client: I feel good that I can share with you my inner concerns, and what I believe is Headmind resistance to the process. It is like if my Head wants to know “the secret of RT”. Also, I think there is some reasoning going on like “if it is so easy to overcome the symptoms that have got me to a completely disabled life, I must be an idiot”.

My comment: This is something many of our clients tell us. We always say to them: ‘It is not your fault that you became ill.’ As for the simplicity of the method, it is only ‘easy’ once someone has shown you the solution. Like one of those psychological puzzles when people can’t ‘see’ the face of the old woman/young girl in the drawing. But once someone shows you it is easy to see it. Surely, the real idiots are the people in the medical and psychological professions who have spent years studying the illness without coming up with any answers?

Client: It is not easy for me to write down what I have just said but I know you are not judging me, so I should not judge myself and I should feel confident in expressing my thoughts, no matter how distorted they might seem, even to me. So, being honest to you, John, it has been because I have faith and confidence in you and in Reverse Therapy that I do the assignments, not because I understand what I am doing. And this brings humility – the realization that the answers come from somewhere that is far beyond my head, and far deeper inside me.

Are you really a cynic?

My last-but-one article Are you a cynic? attracted the largest post-bag I have ever received for a single article.

Several of you praised my honesty in writing about my weaknesses. (Since my second-largest post-bag followed after I wrote about my writer's block in December it seems many of you get off on a little soul-searching from me.... ;-) )

Two readers who wrote in recalling times when I got angry with them seem to have missed the point. Anger is a positive Bodymind state which occurs when we are affronted. But we are talking about cynicism here - which is a negative thinking state.

Three of you, rather amusingly, thought I was probably right on the button when satirizing 'A' in the article as a self-indulgent drama-queen!

Finally, my friend Mark McGuinness left a comment below the post, in which he wondered whether my new friend had mistaken my dark, ironic sense of humour for something worse.....

Anyways, I have been doing a little more research on this topic and will be publishing some thoughts on why people might become cynical later on this week.

In the meantime, I found this handy little self-test called 'How Cynical Are You?'

Interestingly, I scored quite low on this test (36%), indicating that I am perhaps not quite so cynical after all......

Emotional Intelligence classes for our children, please

Last week, my article arguing that schools ought to provide lessons in emotional intelligence was published in a new book: Shaping a New Educational Landscape, now available from Amazon.

The book has stimulating articles by well-known educationalists, teachers, consultants and government advisors - and me. I urge those of you who can afford it to buy it anyway as it is all in a good cause. We writers are donating all our royalties to the building of a new school in Juba in the Sudan.

The point of my article is that children who aren't taught emotional intelligence aren't likely to make good students. Instead they may be handicapped by low-self-esteem, difficulty in getting along with others, stress, problems in handling setbacks (i.e. giving up too easily), and communicational problems. They will also be battling with rage, and unresolved emotions such as anger, frustration and fear. Which, in turn, leads to disruptive behavior, defiance, exclusion, expulsion and academic failure. Even if the child is an academic success, failures in emotional intelligence can lead later on to a deadening Headmind approach to life. People who score high on IQ (meaning they know how to do quizzes) but low on emotional intelligence may lack warmth, common-sense, empathy, and the ability to relate to ordinary people (a problem I notice, that is widespread amongst medical doctors, academics and lawyers).

I am passionate about this issue because every week, in Reverse Therapy, I work with children and adolescents who are suffering from Chronic Fatigue syndrome, ME, and anxiety problems simply because they have never been taught how to work with their emotions.

Do you agree with me that teaching emotional intelligence to choldren in schools ought to be a priority?

Below are the opening few paragraphs in my article, as published in the book, so that you can get the flavour. Please contribute.

Rousseau revisited: formal and personal learning

‘It takes a village to raise a child.’

African Proverb

 

Introduction 

In this article I want to argue that if formal education is not complemented by methods that elicit social and emotional intelligence from the child then a variety of problems will result that may mean that formal education never gets started. And should it get started it may never be completed if the child does not know how to make use of the ‘learning’ she has been offered. And that even if it is ‘finished’ it may make little difference to her quality of life.

To take my own case: I possess a PhD in Psychology, a Masters in Psychotherapy and a BA in Philosophy. I have lectured in these matters at every grade from A level, through to professional seminars and up to University Undergraduate level. An educational success? Perhaps so. And yet I left school at 15.

After a long period of poor behaviour, indiscipline and dire exam grades at the Grammar school I attended in the UK during the 1970s, my teachers made it clear to me that there was little point in my continuing. That if I did I would very soon be expelled. My working class father was delighted. He saw formal education as a pointless diversion from the real business of learning a trade and making money. So he found me an apprenticeship and it was another 4 (wasted) years before I found the courage to go back into education on another footing.

Although the potential for academic achievement at the Grammar school was present, in my case it was vitiated by immaturity in social relations and self-management; a defect that may have been remediable.

My key difficulty was that I was often overcome by inchoate states of frustration, despondency and rage. These states were hard for me to name, let alone identify. They typically came up after I had been bullied, or punished for what I saw as minor offences, or ridiculed by a teacher, or sitting through lessons in subjects for which I had little interest.

Looking back, I can see clearly that my bad behaviour was promoted by rebelliousness, attention-seeking and revenge. Naturally these responses merely compounded the problem and set the scene for more interactional problems. Another key problem was that the school: its rules, its ethos, and its teaching style seemed both alien and nonsensical to me. Partly this was due to my being one of the very few working-class children at the school. But, more profoundly, I lacked an enlightened tutor – or mentor – who could ‘interpret’ for me. I really needed to be taught how to work the system, as well as recognize both the sources for, and the solution to, my own despair......

Reducing your comfort zone

This is the fourth in a series of articles on the Enneagram. To read my previous posts on The Enneagram click here.

Gurdjieff, who first introduced the Enneagram into the West, taught that work on oneself was essential if people were not to fall into ego-sleep. The way into sleep is easy: identification with Headmind, self-satisfaction, habit, routine, an acceptance of 'the way things are', and then a kind of mechanical death in which you grow old very quickly.

Work on oneself entails moving out of your personal comfort zone, developing Personal Genius and moving away from personal slavery: the sum total of routines, attitudes, bananas, worries, habits, addictions and Headmind ideas that  keep you stuck in as a fully paid-up member of the herd.

Gurdjieff believed that friction was necessary for personal growth. By 'friction' he meant interactions with people and situations which challenged your comfort zone, your ego, or your fixed personality. There is a story about Gurdjieff that illustrates this pretty well. During the 1920s he managed a school in Fontainebleau-Avon, near Paris, in which pupils warred against sleep and worked on personal development. But one 'pupil' - a Russian - was widely resented. He did little work, continually moaned about other pupils and was scathing about Gurdjieff himself, whom he described as a 'con-man'. When a deputation went eventually to Gurdjieff to demand his removal from the school; they were surprised to learn that Gurdjieff was actually paying the man to stay there and wind people up - in order to create opportunities for personal growth for the 'real' students. 

The Enneagram describes the nine most common comfort zones for each of the types. When reading them, please bear in mind that, irrespective of  your personal Enneagram number right now, all of us are tempted, or can be tempted, to indulge in these comfort zones, at any time.
 
The One: takes comfort in judging others. Avoids discomfort by finding reasons why s/he is better, or more talented, or cleverer, or more moral than the rest of us (instead of empathizing with their mistakes). The one type is common amongst teachers. 

The Two: takes comfort in fussing over others. Avoids discomfort by lambasting people for being ungrateful, selfish, unappreciative (instead of empathizing with their need for self-protection). The Two type is common amongst care-givers.

The Three: takes comfort in workaholism. Avoids discomfort by criticising others for being lazy, inefficient and disobedient (instead of empathizing with their need for leisure). The Three type is common amongst managers and go-getters.

The Four: takes comfort in exhibitionism. Avoids discomfort by mocking people for being ordinary, 'part of the crowd', or 'conformists' (instead of empathizing with their need for lifestyle balance) - and by ignoring their own mediocrity. The Four type is common amongst adolescents of all ages.

The Five: takes comfort in being in control. Avoids discomfort by avoiding other people, or by silently criticising others for their 'superficiality', 'gross behaviour', or 'lack of understanding' (instead of empathizing with their need to live in the moment). The Five type is common amongst loners.

The Six: takes comfort in acceptance by others. Avoids discomfort through obedience, and by suppressing self-assertion. Criticizes others for being 'selfish', 'deviant', 'team-wreckers'  (instead of empathizing with their need to think for themselves). The Six type is common amongst conformists of all types.

The Seven: takes comfort in pleasure: sex, drugs and rock'n'roll. Avoids discomfort through addictions, and, also, fanatasies about a happier life in the future. The Seven criticizes others for being 'boring', 'dead', or 'lacking in drive' (rather than empathizing with their need for self-preservation). The  Seven is probably the second-most common Enneagram type right now, after the Nine.

The Eight: takes comfort in power, arguments, control, bullying. Avoids discomfort through fighting, conflict, sex and arguments. The Eight is common amongst politicians, industrialists, and therapists. Criticizes others for being 'weak', 'sheep', or 'victims' (instead of empathizing with their love for other people).

The Nine: takes comfort in 'chilling out' and doing nothing. Avoids discomfort by steering clear of honest opinions, confrontation, hard work, stress, or engagement with people with different  opinions. Criticizes others for being 'argumentative', 'trouble-makers', or for 'stirring things up' (instead of empathizing with their need for change. The Nine is the most common Enneagram ego-type. (Note: Homer Simpson is a classic Nine).