Reverse Thinking

Can feeling grumpy be good for you?

I receive a mischievous communication from my very good friend Mark McGuinness who wants me to comment on a research article he has looked into, written by some 'Australian psychologists', which claims that being in a 'bad mood' can be 'good' for you.

Now, some of my best experiences in life have been prompted by my 'bad' moods. With the aid of those I have got rid of countless annoying relationships, irritating jobs and pointless activities. So my first thought was that - yet again - a bunch of overpaid academics were being subsidised to announce discoveries most of us learned in primary school. And that Mark had forgotten our many rambling midnight conversations about emotions and the meaning of life.

Yet I realised immediately that these gorgeous, Bondi-beach seeking academics have made yet another category mistake: While bad moods can, indeed, be 'good', those are not the same as 'bad emotions'.

To remind you: there is no such thing as a bad emotion. Emotions are an expression of Bodymind
intelligence. A mood is different. It is a  Headmind attitude. It expresses a relationship between our attitudes and the world as we find it. You can read more about moods here.

A grumpy mood, for me, is a relationship based on suspicion. It means that I no longer trust that experiences, situations, people, or the Lord God himself are doing me any favours. And that, in turn, is a cue that I need to revise my trusting attitude towards these entities. I need to retreat, stand-off, complain, and have a moan. I may even need to disengage - permanently.

So yes - a grumpy mood can be good for you if it helps you get rid of your intellectual garbage.

The funny thing is that I actually find grumpy moods enjoyable. Entraining my suspicion and pessimism on the planet gives me a god-like sense of detachment and playfulness. It also gives me a playground for wit.

Rather like one of my favourite philosophers - Arthur Schopenhauer - who once wrote:

"If we were not all so interested in ourselves, life would be so uninteresting that none of us would be able to endure it."

Come to think of it, Schopenhauer deserves an article all to himself, so I will write that next.

Magical thinking

What do envy, rage, perfectionism, whingeing, worry and superstition all have in common?

Answer: they are all types of magical thinking.

Magical thinking is what happens when your Ego fantasizes that the world could be different from the way it actually is. And that thinking it so can make it so.

It's the flipside of your creative potential. One of the things Headmind does well is imagination. Used properly you can imagine a new book, a new career, a new solution, a new poem or even a new (workable) way of life.

On the Downside, Headmind can trip you up by:

• Comparing you with other, apparently perfect, people (Envy)
• Coming up with 'conspiracy' theories about why things are going against you (Rage)
• Whipping you on to get it right when being 'right' is impossible (Perfectionism)
• Complaining about things over which you have no control whatever (Whingeing)
• Anticipating problems that will most likely never happen (Worry)

But this kind of control freakery solves nothing. It simply adds self-pity, anxiety, jealousy, rage and disappointment to your list of problems.

Each time you freak out in this way you are giving the problem more importance than it merits. And each time you fantasize about the world Headmind thinks you ought to be living in rather than the one you actually are you, you are putting yourself in a position of helplessness.

And each time you put yourself in victim position you are programming your brain to create a depressed state rather than the empowered one you need.

Badly trained minds are like out-of-control dogs who bark too much. If you can't train it properly you are better off doing without it.

First image by a_whisper_of_unremitting_...

Going mental

A very interesting email from Linda, in response to recent articles on Headmind, who writes:

Headmind solves problems. The problem is that it is so good at it, it doesn't know when to quit. And soon turns all kinds of things into problems that really aren't.

But it does solve problems. I used to have chickens and some goats. Even they solve problems, though chickens are pretty stupid and don't do such a good job. The goats, which I initially thought were pretty stupid, also solved problems. Some having nothing whatsoever to do with survival, but just for fun. One of my goats was absolutely determined to get all four hooves into a kitty litter pan, even though the pan was too small. She could get three in, but as soon as she tried to get the fourth in, she would lose her balance and could only regain it by catching herself from falling with a hoof back outside the pan. But for some odd reason, it was important to her to achieve this nonsensical task, so she stuck at it for the better part of an hour. Finally, she got all four hooves in the pan and stood there swaying with a look of absolute ecstasy on her face. Then calmly walked away and never did it again.

Headmind tries to solve all kinds of things. As a result we have Beethoven's Ninth Symphony, The De Havilland Mosquito Bomber (of WWII fame) and all kinds of other sublimely wonderful creations.

Headmind isn't a demon. It just runs amok. Then people like me get sick from it.

Why does it run amok?????

Good question!

And, being truthful, I'm not sure I have a good answer.

In general terms, something gets out of control when there are no constraints on it. Sometimes, this is because people don't see that there is anything wrong. For example, bullies get away with their aggression because those around them label their behaviour as 'masculine', 'being a good father/manager/leader', or 'that's my boy!'

We live in a culture that regards academics, scientists and medical doctors as intellectual heroes, regardless of whether their practices actually produce any worthwhile outcomes (only a minority actually do).

In the same way, we idolize the Intellect and fail to discriminate between Reason that creates, inspires and solves problems, and Reason that worries, obsesses and becomes engulfed in trivia.

The answer must lie in developing a greater suspicion of Rationality unless it is guided by worthwhile goals.

Do you run your mind or does your mind run you?

This is the latest is a series I am writing about the Effective Thinking Skills Test. This one relates to your answers to questions 5, 7, 15, 16 and 24.

On those questions you were tested for whether you worry or not. Worry is probably the single most destructive form of ineffective thinking. It is usually a sign that Headmind has taken you over. Like a badly trained dog it has got used to the idea that every time it barks you will come running. I have written about how to eliminate worry before. I would recommend you read that blog alongside this one.

There is also an excellent blog by Jason over on his self-development website. It's called How to Make Your Conscious Mind Stop Sabotaging You

Today, I want to add to the important point Jason makes about teaching Headmind/Conscious Mind to shut up by showing you a technique through which you can teach it to do just that.

When you let your dog see that barking doesn't work, it learns to be quiet. When you 'teach' Headmind that its worries bore you and that you are no longer paying attention it will, eventually, give them up.

By the way, one of the most useful things about meditation, prayer, affirmation, tai chi, breathing techniques, etc. is that they switch attention away from the yada-yada-yada that Headmind creates when it worries. But immediately doing something physically vigorous that raises endorphins and absorbs your complete attention will have the same result.

This is a process I adapted from NLP for use in Reverse Therapy.

You can use it as often as you want.In fact, doing it when you are not worrying is even more effective than doing it when you are. That's because you are reprogramming Headmind before it goes off on one....

1. Identify a moment when you were doing something that was the opposite of worry. That could be a moment when you were glowing with pride over one of your achievements, despite the worries you had about it before; or a moment when you were 'just getting on with it' - focusing on the actions to take rather than the 'disaster movie'. In fact it could relate to any memory of a time when you were serene, happy, empowered, decisive or confident.

2. Look carefully at the 'you' in that memory. Register the way you look, the expression on your face, the way you speak and the way you hold yourself. 'Go inside' this person and check out how it feels to be you when you are this way.

(You can take several self-memories and 'merge' them into each other to create a very powerful self-image if you want more oomph).

3. Now (briefly, very briefly) look at the 'you' that listens to worry tapes. You may notice that you are confused, anxious, or 'stuck' etc.

4. Now use the process I taught you on my Stop Worrying Blog. Identify the 'worry script' and use the 'voice of an idiot to render it laughable. Make sure you are laughing at it otherwise it won't work. You may need to keep trying out different idiots until you do laugh. (Personally, I use Alan Partridge's voice).

5. Now run the worry script for just ONE second in that idiot voice. As SOON as it comes on either

6. Jump up or walk forward quickly, clapping your hands or (if you are with people) press the 'Stop' button on the tape recorder in your head.

7. Look at the Empowered self-image side by side with the other one. Go 'into' the body of that person and connect to the feeling of serenity, empowerment, etc.

8. Look down at the worrier and watch it as it goes up in a puff of smoke, shrinks rapidly and disappears, or flies to-and-fro in the air like a balloon that has been released (this is my favourite - my 'balloon' always makes that farting noise that balloons make).

9. Stay in the real 'You' for a moment. From that position immediately decide on what you are going to do next to obliterate the worry. The ideal action to take is anything at all that raises endorphin levels quickly. For more advice on endorphin release click here.

Enjoy the brainwash!

 

Greed is good - yeah?

As Gordon Gekko once famously quoted Ayn Rand - in 'Wall Street' - 'Greed is good'.

Well, both Ayn and Gordon got it wrong. Greed isn't good. Passion is good. And Greed is a Headmind distortion of passion.

What goes on here is that Headmind (or Ego, if you prefer) substitutes Being for Having, and Emotion for acquisitiveness.

Now some people have a passion for making money. It's not one of my attractions but I can understand why some people get that way. And if they are living that passion then they may well be doing other people a favour by giving them something they want - or making jobs for them. But when passion is distorted by acquisitiveness then they get greedy - and obsessive - and lonely - and sad. They may even end up in the Penitentiary like Gordon did.

When you live in Bodymind (as I try to do) you realise that Passion is its own reward. Work, Love, Telling the truth and being Creative are exciting things to do. Its not a guarantee that you will be rich, famous, loved or powerful. That's Headmind telling us that we are unworthy if we are not in one of those categories.

As it happens I recently made up a list of emotions (passions) which get distorted by Headmind's need to have something rather than to be something.

Joy - Addictions (Headmind has to possess happiness rather than just being with it and then letting it go). The addiction can be to sex, drugs, love or even money.

Anger - Revenge (Headmind has to control the offender rather than just express and forgive)

Fear - Dependency (Headmind has to collect helpers rather than accept personal responsibility)

Awe - Religious mania (Headmind has to impose the truth on others rather than admit that Life is too tremendous to be understood completely)

Sadness - Grief (Headmind refuses to live without the lost friend, father, mother or child) and lives in the past, holding on to memories.

Love - it isn't really an emotion but it is a passion based on joy. But its distortion by Headmind is interesting because when the Ego tries to control it, then it becomes jealousy or possessiveness.

Can an emotion ever be wrong?

Last week, while I was doing some Reverse Therapy with a client, he asked: 'Are emotions ever wrong?' Meaning, is it possible to be angry, scared, sad, etc. over nothing all?

To answer this question we have to understand what an emotion is. Bodymind produces an emotion through cellular communication. Cells in the brain (mostly in the limbic system) pick up information from the environment and trigger other cells to send signals through to the nervous system. The resulting changes in the gut, skin, muscles, lungs and circulation are experienced as a feeling.

An emotion is not a thought (which can be wrong). But neither are emotions irrational - they are what Antonio Damasio calls 'somatic markers'. That means they mark something out for your attention. In that way they serve the same function as the pain in your foot that tells you your shoes are too tight or the rumbling in your stomach that tells you it is time to eat.

So emotions are cues to action. Now this is where some people can misunderstand emotion - they mistake the inappropriate expression of the emotion (which comes out of wrong work of Headmind) for the emotion itself.

Contrary to common belief your Bodymind does not want you to shout or scream at someone when you notice anger. A quiet assertion of your rights is quite sufficient. Nor does your Body want you to run away (another Headmind cop-out) when you notice fear. Getting your facts straight about the situation you are in, talking to others about your options, and taking one small step to raise confidence is all that is required.

Too often - as with my client - we are conditioned into seeing emotions as 'bad' or 'wrong' because we have watched other people do destructive things when they get emotional. But emotions don't encourage us to be destructive - just honest.

Zen

In my last post I mentioned that Zen has been a strong influence on Reverse Therapy and here's how.

When I first started teaching people Reverse Therapy it wasn't called that then. Instead it was called 'Anti-therapy'. The idea was that it would be the complete opposite of traditional therapy. It wouldn't waste time on analysis or belief-checking, or your 'relationship' with the therapist, or working out what happened to you at age four-and-a-half.

The other thing that made it anti-therapy was that we made friends with symptoms (or rather, with the Bodymind that produced them). If we could find out what made symptoms necessary we had a good chance of helping clients find a healthier way to deal with the situations in which symptoms came up.

All this was inspired, in part, by Zen. The Zen attitude to problems is to exercise awareness on them. Becoming fully aware - in the moment - of what is happening, without pre-judging anything enables you to see what is going on. So when you see why symptoms are necessary you are on the symptom path to enlightenment.

There is a story told by the Buddha (Gautama) meant as an analogy for the human condition. It concerns a man who is shot by an arrow who, instead of seeing his pain and doing something about it in the moment, insists on talking about the arrow - where it came from, who shot it, why it had to be him of all people, etc etc. This is what traditional therapy does. Gautama was himself anti-religion, seeing it as another obstacle to enlightenment.

Another thing we learnt from Zen is that Headmind gets in the way of enlightenment. Thinking doesn't make you aware (in some cases it can just make you stupid - which is what Buddha is partly getting at). Zen exercises are designed to help people bypass Headmind. When you see that there is no answer to the absurd question 'What is the sound of one hand clapping' you are enlightened in that moment (although not necessarily in other moments). You have realised that thinking gets in the way of your experience, your awareness and your direct access to the way things are.

It is for that reason that Reverse Therapy teaches people to practice quietly sitting and sensing the way the way things are for them in each and every moment.

I have to admit that what also attracted me to Zen was its irreverence. It believes in no final wisdom, or teachers or even in the Buddha. There's no better saying for that than the provocative Zen slogan: 'If you meet the Buddha on the road - kill him'.

Video Interview with John Eaton - Part 1

This is Part 1 of a video interview recorded by Chris Jefferson-Jones, introducing Reverse Therapy.

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zCwJah0mBIU&mode=related&search=]

How your head f**ks you up

One of the daftest things you will ever hear is the statement that someone is looking for 'peace of mind'. In fact some people spend their lives looking for it - and paying other people to help them find it.

By definition, Headmind cannot be at peace. Its function and purpose is to question everything we do and keep us looking for the answers. It wants us to be 'right' when Bodymind just wants us to be ok.

Headmind (what some people call 'Consciousness') goes about promoting your survival in the wrong way.

Bodymind keeps you alive by running the different systems - sensory, endocrine, immune, nervous, muscular-skeletal, digestive, excetory - in good repair. It also uses emotions to signal changes of action needed on your part in order to be loved, safe and happy.

Headmind is only concerned with its own survival - by making you into something you are not - your ego. And all the ego is, is the sum total of all the things everybody else ever wanted you to be or thought you should be. Your Head installed all these injunctions and plays the same scripts over and over again.

This keeps us running around like a ghost in a machine, forever trying to catch up with the person we think we ought to be. Yet it is the Body that creates the real self - our passion, our emotional truth, our desire to just be who we are without any conditions. We can see this in young children before the adults get to work on them. A child is blissfully unaware of having to pretend to be someone she is not. A child just is.

In Reverse Therapy we teach that people can reverse out of Headmind and find genuine peace by learning to live in the body, in awareness, in the moment.

One very strong influence on Reverse Therapy was Zen Buddhism. In my next post I will say more about this.

Anxiety

Anxiety is sometimes called 'the modern disease' (or at least when I was a twenty-something poet I liked to think so). In fact this is not true. Chronic anxiety, according to a consensus of studies, only affects about 16% of the population.

The reason many of us think Anxiety is more common than it is, is that we get it mixed up with Fear. But Anxiety is not an emotion - it is a symptomatic state. Fear is an emotion.

Bodymind creates a fear response when we are confronted with an immediate danger that requires action on our part. It is a strong, visceral, emotion and we are being aroused to do something about the problem in that moment - find out more about it, talk to others, get help, do something about the situation. As we swing into action the emotion dissolves.

Anxiety is created by Headmind and relates to situations that have either not happened yet, or future situations we are worrying about. Anxiety comes up when we avoid taking action, dwelling instead on the 'disaster movies' Headmind cooks up for us. The symptomatic state that ensues - chest constriction, gut changes, sweating, rapid heart-beat, panic - is a warning that we are spending too much time in our Heads, thinking about the problem rather than getting involved. In fact, as research often shows, worries rarely come true.

Anxiety worsens with avoidance. The more Headmind worries about what will happen to us the more 'obvious' it seems to stay away from situations. Unfortunately, the more we stay away, the worse the anxiety gets, as Headmind has more unknown problems to feed on.

This difference can be clearly seen in shyness. Shy people are not fearful, they are anxious. They get trapped in the heads worrying about what people will think of them, of having nothing to say and drying up, of being rejected, etc. The remedy is to get some coaching and learn how to slowly make social situations easier. But avoiding society will only make the problem worse.

Sometimes fear and anxiety go together (now it gets really subtle!). So - we can be scared when we receive a tax bill and when that happens we are being motivated to talk to people who can help us find a solution. And we can also get anxious - a sure sign that we are avoiding action and hallucinating calamity. So when your tax bill arrives at the end of this month be sure to have your bank manager's phone number handy.

I wish all my readers a Happy New Year!