Reverse Thinking

The danger of words

I truly believe words can keep you stuck. Or make you ill. Or anxious. Or depressed.

I have quite a few clients in these stress-ridden times that are doing a good job of making themselves dysfunctional through the language they use to describe their predicament.

One says: 'I just can't cope anymore.'

A second says: 'This year has just been a series of disasters.'

A third says: 'Things are so-so. I can't pretend they're good.'

When you're a therapist, or a coach, part of your job is to teach people how to use the language of change. Which means teaching them to use language in a way that creates possibilities rather than disaster.

So I would ask:

'Which bits did you cope with?'

'Yes...I know about the disasters...but let's talk about how you've been getting on since you saw me last.'

'You don't have to pretend at all. Only Headmind tries to do that. Now let's focus on the things that Bodymind has been encouraging you to do...'

But the fact is that abstract phrases like 'cope', 'disasters' and 'can't pretend' close down thought rather than opening it up to possibility.

To that end we might be better off when the Chinese conquer Europe and we are forced to learn Mandarin. Because Mandarin Chinese is a pictorial language rather than a sound-based language it relies on images to convey meaning rather than words.

The advantage is that their communications are conveyed in a way that favours Bodymind rather than Headmind. Because the idea is expressed in terms of experiences rather than abstractions.

Consider the Chinese ideogram for 'Crisis' that is expressed on the upper right.

The top image represents 'danger' while the lower one represents 'opportunity'.

That seems to me to be a much richer idea than the panic and paralysis that descends on people when the word 'crisis' is used.

Which leads me to remind you that Bodymind wisdom is based on present-focused, immediate experience rather than Headmind words and thoughts.

      'Words are the most powerful drugs used by mankind'

       Rudyard Kipling.

How your thoughts can hypnotise you

When I used to practice hypnosis I was continually amazed by the explanations people came up with for the things they did under suggestion.

You can put anyone who wants to do it in trance. With a fair number of people you can also give them a post-hypnotic suggestion. For example, you can say 'When you wake up you will have to open the back window'.

Things would get really interesting later on when you asked the person to explain why he had just opened that particular window. There would be a longish pause and then would come an explanation like: 'The room was too cold/warm/stuffy'.' I learnt also that further questions would nearly always end in the other party getting irritated.

In case this sounds strange, it's not unlike someone with sour grapes telling you he didn't want the job anyway, even though the week before he had been excited about going for the interview. Or the friend who explains that she had got drunk because she had gone to the party on an empty stomach. We make up reasons for what we do after the event because we want to sound like we know what we are doing and were in control all along. And, such are the power of words, we usually end up believing our own stories.

Explanations are made up by Headmind when it doesn't understand what is going on. And that is especially true where feelings and emotions are concerned. Unruly emotions come up and we don't understand why we feel that way. If we don't take the trouble to connect to the emotion and find out we can, instead, end up explaining them away. Or giving them a sinister meaning they never had.

Now here's how thoughts can make you ill:

1 You notice you are anxious. Your head says: 'I am cracking up. I can't cope'

2 You notice you are sad. Your head says: 'I am so depressed I can't go on like this.'

3 You notice you are fatigued. Your head says: 'My M.E. is back. I have to go to bed.'

4 You notice you are restless. Your head says: 'I must have a drink. I can't hold out any longer.'

Like someone under hypnosis, we leap from particular sensations to global conclusions. We self-talk ourselves into trance through the suggestions we give ourselves. And the result is an action performed under post-hypnotic suggestion - panicking, running away, or alcohol abuse.

If this happens to you, you could try these alternatives for a different result:

1. My body is using up a lot of adrenalin. Time to chill out.

2. I am sad. Time to be gentle with myself.

3. My body is trying to get my attention to something. Time to do something about my real needs.

4. I am restless. Time to practice awareness and stay grounded in the moment.

                                   'Few people would fall in love had they not heard about it from others'

                                                                                                                    La Rochefoucauld

The language of the possible

More gems from Dr Ellen Weber, who has been writing up on how using language that focuses on what we can do rather than on we think we can't, triggers brain mechanisms that help us solve problems. If we use worry-based language like 'I don't have the time....', 'Nobody's going to help me.....', or 'It's never been done before.....' then we are effectively slamming the brakes on our ability to overcome challenges. That, in turn, keeps us from desirable states allied to excitement and satisfaction. Instead we will be heading straight for emotions associated with frustration and stress. And that is not emotionally intelligent.

When we are working with emotional intelligence, focusing on what we can do right now rather than in some mythical, worry-free, future, we are always going to be using words like 'I'd like to....', 'I could....', 'I'm going to find a way to....' rather than words like 'never', 'nobody', 'can't' or 'won't'. Phrases in the first set keep us in the here and now and focused on the possible. While worry-based language keeps us in the there-and-then, gazing at the impossible.

How does Bodymind react in either case? If you are going for it then you are going to experience a release of serotonin - a mood booster. Taken in tandem with other chemical releases, you will be provided with the energy and concentration you need to sustain your efforts. If you have gone down the other route then your emotions are blocked and Bodymind will, eventually, be forced to respond by releasing 'stress' chemicals associated with the crisis alert. The effect of cortisol, in particular, will be to shut down the thinking centres in the pre-frontal lobes. And that will leave you worse off than before in terms of solving those problems.

There is an enormous amount of research coming out at the moment, mostly in the USA, which shows precisely how the brain works to keep us in a high-performance state when we align the way we think with Bodymind intelligence. And how non-alignment leads to so-called 'stress' and disease states. I will be coming back to some of that research - and what it tells us about personal fulfilment - over the next few posts.