Reverse Thinking

The secret to making powerful decisions

I have been writing, on and off, about emotional intelligence for 15 years - here's one of my books here: Communicate with Emotional Intelligence - and it never ceases to intrigue me just how sophisticated Bodymind actually is. 

Let me remind my  readers that emotional intelligence relates to the ability to recognise, and act upon, Bodymind communication to you, and the twin ability to intuit what other peoples' Bodyminds are communicating to them, as you engage.

What is fascinating is that Bodymind uses  a wide variety of means to guide you towards making the decisions that are right for you, and for those you lead. You may be a leader at work, or you may be a leader in your family, in your circle of friends, or for those you teach. Your Bodymind is continually cueing you to exercise your Personal Genius, using emotions, intuitions, gut-feels and sudden inspirations, while you make decisions.

Brain research shows that individuals who have incurred brain injuries which disconnect the frontal lobes (Headmind) from the limbic system (Bodymind) tend to be poor at decision-making. For the simple reason that their thoughts have no emotional back-up and it is difficult for these people to tell the difference between daft ideas and wise ones. 

There is a really good interview on emotionally-biased decision-making with Jonah Lehrer (author of "How We Decide') on this link here: Passions of the Brain.

The secret to making powerful decisions is to be able to recognise, and work with, the emotional cues your body creates in order to guide you towards the best decision available (although, sometimes, Bodymind will tell you to wait, or do nothing).

Crudely speaking, your Body will use an emotional reaction to tell you to take one of the following options in relation to your decisions:

1. Go for it now! This is too good to resist.

2. Go for it, but be careful and take your time.

3. Go for it - but get some more information, or get some help, before you take the first step.

4. Do nothing - for now. Wait for a better opportunity.

5. Do nothing. The idea needs substantial revision.

6. Do nothing - ever. This option is not good for you, or for the other people in your charge.

Generally speaking, good decisions will  be backed up by strong, enthusiastic feeliings, while dubious ones will be accompanied by weak, lacklustre, uneasy, uncomfortable reactions.

In my own, personal, experience my emotional reactions, for each grade of Bodymind decision, are as follows"

1. Excited, joyful, feeling. My heart races and my head 'swims' a little. I am impatient and want to get started right away. I am full or energy. (Example: developing Reverse Therapy).

2. Less excited state, tempered with nervousness.  My upper body fills with desire but I remain clear-headed. I focus on dealing with the problems and pitfalls in the hope that I can eventually get what I want. (Example: Negotiating to buy the house I live in now, five years ago).

3. More scared than excited (I notice fear particularly in my stomach area). I really feel like I want to take things slowly and keep looking around, as if I were in a dark lane that I don't know very well. (Example: dealing with the aftermath of my wife's redundancy last year).

4. A sad, slightly heavy, feeling I notice mostly in my chest. Feels like I have lost an opportunity, as I really want to do something about this, but circumstances are preventing me. (Example: having to give up a planned holiday to the Maldives last year, when my wife lost her job).

5. A tense, slightly angry feeling in my upper chest, throat and jaw that seems to shout 'No!'. (Example: receiving a letter notifying me of a rent increase on my London office premises a few months ago).
 
6. Same as No. 5 but even stronger, and my anger seems more intense. This reaction usually comes when someone tries to take advantage of me, or those close to me. (Example: I find out that my son is in danger of being ripped off by an second-hand car salesman). 

What are your emotional experiences around making decisions? Please email me with those and I will feature them in a future article on practical decision-making.

Greed is good - yeah?

As Gordon Gekko once famously quoted Ayn Rand - in 'Wall Street' - 'Greed is good'.

Well, both Ayn and Gordon got it wrong. Greed isn't good. Passion is good. And Greed is a Headmind distortion of passion.

What goes on here is that Headmind (or Ego, if you prefer) substitutes Being for Having, and Emotion for acquisitiveness.

Now some people have a passion for making money. It's not one of my attractions but I can understand why some people get that way. And if they are living that passion then they may well be doing other people a favour by giving them something they want - or making jobs for them. But when passion is distorted by acquisitiveness then they get greedy - and obsessive - and lonely - and sad. They may even end up in the Penitentiary like Gordon did.

When you live in Bodymind (as I try to do) you realise that Passion is its own reward. Work, Love, Telling the truth and being Creative are exciting things to do. Its not a guarantee that you will be rich, famous, loved or powerful. That's Headmind telling us that we are unworthy if we are not in one of those categories.

As it happens I recently made up a list of emotions (passions) which get distorted by Headmind's need to have something rather than to be something.

Joy - Addictions (Headmind has to possess happiness rather than just being with it and then letting it go). The addiction can be to sex, drugs, love or even money.

Anger - Revenge (Headmind has to control the offender rather than just express and forgive)

Fear - Dependency (Headmind has to collect helpers rather than accept personal responsibility)

Awe - Religious mania (Headmind has to impose the truth on others rather than admit that Life is too tremendous to be understood completely)

Sadness - Grief (Headmind refuses to live without the lost friend, father, mother or child) and lives in the past, holding on to memories.

Love - it isn't really an emotion but it is a passion based on joy. But its distortion by Headmind is interesting because when the Ego tries to control it, then it becomes jealousy or possessiveness.