Reverse Thinking

How to make that breakthrough

My good friend and collaborator Mark McGuinness recently alerted me to a stimulating new book by Steven Pressfield called Do The Work which is about a subject dear to my heart: how to overcome Headmind when it is messing your life up.

I was doubly intrigued because Steven Pressfield once wrote a powerful historical novel about the 300 Spartans at Thermopylae called Gates of Fire - one of the very few books of that kind which had me (and my wife) in tears by the end.

Taking time off from writing fiction Steven's new, very short, book is about how to achieve your goals when you don't think you can.

The premise is simple: whenever you work on a project that is really important to you, but which is going to take time, hard work, and personal sacrifice then you are going to hit a wave of resistance. And that resistance comes not from outside but from within;  your own personal version of Headmind in fact: doubts, excuses, distractions, worries, whinges, procrastination, or so-called 'low self-esteem' - in which Headmind keeps on repeating the mantra that there is no point in your doing anything very much because it is bound to end in failure.

The solution is also simple: just do it. Once you have decided that the project really is important to you then you ignore Headmind when it is trying to do you down and sabotage your goals. Specifically, you ignore the Chatterbox. Or just tell it to shut the fuck up while you get on with things.

Here are some examples from the world of Therapy:

You are working on your recovery from Depression and you have decided to get out more. The Inner Voice says 'what's the point?'. Your response: go ahead and call a friend and make that date regardless.

You are working on Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and you have decided to increase your morning exercise routine to 10 minutes. Your Internal Saboteur says: 'you'll make yourself ill'. Your response: increase it to 15 minutes.

You are working on Anxiety. Your Internal Control Freak says: 'I worry that you won't be able to stop worrying because you have been a worrier all your life....'. Your response: you focus your attention on a non-worrisome activity for the next few hours.

One difference between using Steven's method on creative work, and using it on personal problems is this: in creative work you just get on with the project (for example: your next novel, or work idea, house redesign, etc.). In that way you force Headmind to get on with doing something useful.

Whereas if you are depressed, anxious, obsessional, etc., you may need to give Headmind some substitute activities to do. A good example relates to giving up drug/alcohol/cigarette/ gambling addictions. Whenever the Internal Saboteur twitters on about needing a fix/drink/fag/bet then you just do a 180 degree attention turn and go off and do something more worthwhile. My experience with my clients is that when they do this repeatedly, then over the ensuing weeks that Internal Voice will gradually dwindle away to a whisper.

There is an excellent interview with Steven Pressfield, in which he discusses the approach, on the Lateral Action site, which you can read here.

 

Image by permission of Fuyoh

How not to be a slave

This is the fourth, and final article, on how to become the person you always were. Or, to use another terminology, to exercise your Personal Genius.

The first article in the series was Why it's ok to be a bit weird, the second was How to be strange and the third was How to be unique.

This one is about how to get free of personal slavery. For, so long as you are a slave to opinions, to convention, to other people, to your ego, or to routine, then you cannot really be you.

For some free spirits slavery to convention is the worst. Which means doing what your parents and teachers always told you to do; or following along the mores of what the 'right' people do - the people you went to school with, or the people in your church, your company, your club, your neighbourhood and so forth. So that you end up speaking with the same accent, dressing the same way, behaving the same way, and, what is most despicable - judging, excluding or persecuting people who don't follow that same 'right' way of life. 

For other fans of enlightenment slavery to opinion is the worst. That means thinking the same way as the majority. Sharing the same newspapers, the same TV programs, the same politics, the same religion and the same prejudices. And although I don't read newspapers, rarely watch TV, don't vote and don't subscribe to any single religion, I certainly agree that Headmind slavery can be a problem. In this respect I remind my readers that dumb thinking is one sure path to unhappiness and illness, as well as slavery.

Sceptics throughout history have argued that slavery to gurus is pretty bad too. But since I have also written about that subject in a prior blog article I won't go over that ground again here.

Likewise I have also written elsewhere about slavery to personal 'bananas', the ego, and personality. 

Now I agree that if you really want to be someone worth paying attention to then you are going to have to ruthlessly discard conventions, ideas and obsessions you have always taken for granted. You are also going to have to get out of your comfort zone.  Although that is hard work (the work of a life-time, in fact) the rewards - in terms of personal fulfilment - are unspeakable.

But, for me, the worst form of slavery is the one most of us take for granted. And that is slavery to routine: doing the same things, in the same way, at the same time, in the same place, with the same people, every day. Right down to the way you dress yourself, eat your food, drive your car, do the shopping, surf the internet, walk the dog, take a nap, smoke cigarettes, have a drink and so on and on and on. So that life becomes a kind of mechanical, living death. So that you go to sleep and stay there. So that life just passes you by without you ever really exercising Awareness.

The reason this is the worst kind of slavery is that, in it, Bodymind dies slowly. And when that happens the brain loses neuroplasticity. Which means that the cells in the brain (as well as those 2 trillion cells in the body that communicate to it) either die off or become rigid. Which, in turn, means that you become a zombie incapable of changing, evolving, or learning anything new.

For me, slavery to habit is the basis for all the other kinds of slavery mentioned above. Simply because it keeps you asleep. Avoiding premature death is hard work but it is simple too. All you have to do is break one habit every day. 

 

Most people are other people.  Their thoughts are someone else's opinions, their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation. Oscar Wilde.

 

 

How to be unique

This is a continuation of my series on becoming the person you were always meant to be. The last article in the series was How to be strange. And the one before that was Why it's ok to be a bit weird.

A second way to be strange, weird or unique is to be an incontrovertible expert in something. Or in two things. Or in three, four, five things. To become an authority on them in fact.

Now it helps if you choose subjects that a lot of other people are fascinated by. But it isn't strictly necessary. For example, if you choose to become an expert on Palmistry or reading the Tarot then I can guarantee you a ready audience from personal experience for the simple reason that most people are fascinated by the occult, even when they pooh-pooh it. But if you decide to become, instead, an expert on Egyptian hieroglyphics the fact that you know a lot about something practically nobody knows anything about will give you a certain cachet - which is a source of pride to you, even if you happen never to speak about it. For the simple reason that Knowledge equals Power.

Another, very good, choice is to become an expert in solving problems that everybody struggles with. For example: money management, child care, dealing with difficult people, employment law, maintaining a house, etc. Knowing a lot about those things will usually mean that you end up becoming an advisor of some kind - that, too, is a great way to exploring your personal power. 

One word of warning, however. Whatever project you choose, it helps to be guided by your Personal Genius.

 

 

 

Reducing your comfort zone

This is the fourth in a series of articles on the Enneagram. To read my previous posts on The Enneagram click here.

Gurdjieff, who first introduced the Enneagram into the West, taught that work on oneself was essential if people were not to fall into ego-sleep. The way into sleep is easy: identification with Headmind, self-satisfaction, habit, routine, an acceptance of 'the way things are', and then a kind of mechanical death in which you grow old very quickly.

Work on oneself entails moving out of your personal comfort zone, developing Personal Genius and moving away from personal slavery: the sum total of routines, attitudes, bananas, worries, habits, addictions and Headmind ideas that  keep you stuck in as a fully paid-up member of the herd.

Gurdjieff believed that friction was necessary for personal growth. By 'friction' he meant interactions with people and situations which challenged your comfort zone, your ego, or your fixed personality. There is a story about Gurdjieff that illustrates this pretty well. During the 1920s he managed a school in Fontainebleau-Avon, near Paris, in which pupils warred against sleep and worked on personal development. But one 'pupil' - a Russian - was widely resented. He did little work, continually moaned about other pupils and was scathing about Gurdjieff himself, whom he described as a 'con-man'. When a deputation went eventually to Gurdjieff to demand his removal from the school; they were surprised to learn that Gurdjieff was actually paying the man to stay there and wind people up - in order to create opportunities for personal growth for the 'real' students. 

The Enneagram describes the nine most common comfort zones for each of the types. When reading them, please bear in mind that, irrespective of  your personal Enneagram number right now, all of us are tempted, or can be tempted, to indulge in these comfort zones, at any time.
 
The One: takes comfort in judging others. Avoids discomfort by finding reasons why s/he is better, or more talented, or cleverer, or more moral than the rest of us (instead of empathizing with their mistakes). The one type is common amongst teachers. 

The Two: takes comfort in fussing over others. Avoids discomfort by lambasting people for being ungrateful, selfish, unappreciative (instead of empathizing with their need for self-protection). The Two type is common amongst care-givers.

The Three: takes comfort in workaholism. Avoids discomfort by criticising others for being lazy, inefficient and disobedient (instead of empathizing with their need for leisure). The Three type is common amongst managers and go-getters.

The Four: takes comfort in exhibitionism. Avoids discomfort by mocking people for being ordinary, 'part of the crowd', or 'conformists' (instead of empathizing with their need for lifestyle balance) - and by ignoring their own mediocrity. The Four type is common amongst adolescents of all ages.

The Five: takes comfort in being in control. Avoids discomfort by avoiding other people, or by silently criticising others for their 'superficiality', 'gross behaviour', or 'lack of understanding' (instead of empathizing with their need to live in the moment). The Five type is common amongst loners.

The Six: takes comfort in acceptance by others. Avoids discomfort through obedience, and by suppressing self-assertion. Criticizes others for being 'selfish', 'deviant', 'team-wreckers'  (instead of empathizing with their need to think for themselves). The Six type is common amongst conformists of all types.

The Seven: takes comfort in pleasure: sex, drugs and rock'n'roll. Avoids discomfort through addictions, and, also, fanatasies about a happier life in the future. The Seven criticizes others for being 'boring', 'dead', or 'lacking in drive' (rather than empathizing with their need for self-preservation). The  Seven is probably the second-most common Enneagram type right now, after the Nine.

The Eight: takes comfort in power, arguments, control, bullying. Avoids discomfort through fighting, conflict, sex and arguments. The Eight is common amongst politicians, industrialists, and therapists. Criticizes others for being 'weak', 'sheep', or 'victims' (instead of empathizing with their love for other people).

The Nine: takes comfort in 'chilling out' and doing nothing. Avoids discomfort by steering clear of honest opinions, confrontation, hard work, stress, or engagement with people with different  opinions. Criticizes others for being 'argumentative', 'trouble-makers', or for 'stirring things up' (instead of empathizing with their need for change. The Nine is the most common Enneagram ego-type. (Note: Homer Simpson is a classic Nine).

Connecting to the genius in you

This is the third in a series of articles on the Enneagram. To read the first two articles click here.

In the last article I wrote about Enneagram weaknesses: how we develop a false personality by getting fixated on the way we appear to other people.

Today I want to write about Enneagram strengths. Specifically, how each of the Nine types, when the person is at a highly developed stage and is free of the ego, can be an expression of your Personal Genius.

In previous articles on Personal Genius I have described how your Genius is an expression of the divine in you. Your Genius drives you on to become the best you can be and fulfil your personal mission. It cares nothing for the approval of others; it is only concerned with making the world a better place.

My experience is that most of us are naturally drawn towards becoming one of the NIne types. Some of us make the mistake of getting hung up on approval from others, so we end  up with weaknesses rather than strengths. Some of us mistakenly identify with a lower type (usually out of  cowardice) and lose our divine mission altogether. But some of us go for one of the types, in a healthy way, because that type resonates most with our personal mission, how we see our selves impacting on the world.

Here is how each of the Enneagram types, in their original, untainted, glory seeks to express Personal Genius:

The One is a Reformer. Wants to help people  become better, purer and more honest. Ones are often Teachers, Writers, Preachers. Many great religious leaders are Ones. Example: Leo Tolstoy.

The Two is a Nurturer. Wants to help people be more loving and forgiving. The  developed  Two  tries to set an example through self-sacrificing compassion for others. Example: Mother Teresa of Calcutta.

The Three is a Manager. Seeks to make things more efficient for the common good. At their  best they make great managers, leaders and (respected) politicians. Example: Barack Obama.

The Four is an Artist. They can be artists with words, images, fabrics, sounds - or  even artists of life. They want to bring out the playful, creative, and original in people. They may be designers, writers and artists; or they may come across as intensely fascinating and original people in their own right. Example: Van Gogh.

The Five is concerned with Knowledge. They are  clear-thinking, objective, often brilliant - experts in at least one field. They make great teachers, scientists and philosophers. On a smaller scale they make good advisors: consultants, therapists and coaches. Example: Albert Einstein.

The Six is a Helper. They want to  make the world a friendlier place. They  sacrifice themselves for the good of the community. They prefer to work behind the scenes, keeping the family together, building up the team at work, or helping in community schemes and  organisations. Example: Princess Diana.

The Seven wants to help people become more intensely alive. They are extroverts who are fun to be with, and who bring out the best in people.  They like to entertain and make great comedians, musicians and stage performers. Or they may just  be the life and soul of the party. Example: Mick Jagger.

The Eight wants to  protect others. This  drives them on to be leaders in some way. They may  fight  for the rights of an oppressed minority, or they may want to rescue people who are in trouble.  They are natural fighters who will champion any cause they have taken to heart. Example: Martin Luther King.

The Nine is a Harmonizer. They  try to see the world through other peoples eyes and understand  how each person sees things differently. Then they  seek to bring people together and promote mutual understanding and forgiveness.

Many Enneagram teachers (including me) believe that becoming a developed Nine who is able to become any of the other 8 types, in an impersonal way, is our ultimate goal. Unlike all the other types, the Nine is not drawn to any particular vocation. Example: William Shakespeare.

Enneagram II

This is the second in a series of articles on the Enneagram and, if you haven't read it yet, it would be a good idea to read the first article here.

Some of you may have taken one of the two Enneagram Personality tests I recommended in that article. If you did then it is important to remind you of the following principle:

Whichever of the Nine Enneagram 'personalities' you think you have (or scored highest for) you should fight as hard as you can not to be that particular way. In short, you should lose that ossified way of being.

For example, until recently I scored high for the Number 8. Here is a description of the Eight by The Enneagram Institute:

Eights are self-confident, strong, and assertive. Protective, resourceful, straight-talking, and decisive, but can also be ego-centric and domineering. Eights feel they must control their environment, especially people, sometimes becoming confrontational and intimidating. Eights typically have problems with their tempers and with allowing themselves to be vulnerable.

In order to avoid the fate of becoming fixated on strength (and thereby making myself obsessional about it) I had to let go of the banana about having to 'be in control'. In point of fact I never particularly wanted to be in control of anything until I became a well-known therapist. After that point my Headmind decided that it had something to prove to people who did therapy or training with me, and then the banana about having to be 'strong' started to work on me. Before that particular delusion took over I usually scored high on the Number 5 personality. Here is a description of that one from the same source:

Fives are alert, insightful, and curious. They are able to concentrate and focus on developing complex ideas and skills. Independent, innovative, and inventive, they can also become preoccupied with their thoughts and imaginary constructs. They become detached, yet high-strung and intense. They typically have problems with eccentricity, nihilism, and isolation.

I would guess that I was a 'Five' all the way from my teenage years until about 10 years ago, when I learnt to see through that false ego. What drove it was my emerging experience of being typed as 'deaf and therefore 'stupid' and 'inadequate'. That was why I went for one banana about having to be a know-all and another one about having to live in an ivory tower. Neither obsession did me any good.

Here are the fixations that go with each of the nine types.

The One: Has to be in the right. Must never be in the wrong. The Perfectionist.

The Two: Has to look after others. Must never be rejected. The Martyr.

The Three. Has to be a success. Must never be second-best. The Workaholic.

The Four. Has to be admired. Must never be ignored. The Show-off.

The Five. Has to know everything. Must never be caught out. The Loner.

The Six. Has to belong. Must never stand out from the crowd. The Conformist.

The Seven. Has to be happy. Must not be sad. The Addict.

The Eight. Has to be in Control. Must not be weak. The Bully.

The Nine. Has to be inside the Comfort Zone. Must not get stressed. The Slob.

Enneagram

This is the first in the series of articles about the Enneagram.

The Enneagram is a method through which you can understand human personality. There are 9 personality types, which I will describe in later articles.

I have written about Personality - and also about the Ego - before. In the system of Reverse Therapy, your personality/ego is a creation of Headmind, which bears no relation to who you actually are.

A common problem with  Enneagram books is that they try to label people as belonging to a certain 'type'. Nothing could be further from the truth. All that knowing someone's Enneagram type will tell you is how far they have got stuck in Headmind.

You are far more than your personality. Somewhere, deep down, you possess a Personal Genius which holds  the personality you give out to others in contempt, and which seeks to break free of it. Personal Genius, if anything can be, is your real self. But you have no control over it for that was given to you at birth.

Your Enneagram personality, by contrast, is something you need to work on in order to abolish it. Your personality is not you; rather it is your Prison.

The ideal, the goal, is to become ego-less and to cease to possess a personality.

Only then can you become that which you are truly are. Gurdjieff, the originator of the Enneagram taught precisely this.

Before you read the second article in this series you might want to take the Enneagram test and here are two:

Eclectic Energies (This is a free test which is reasonably accurate).

The Riso Hudson test (The Riso-Hudson test is the most thorough test currently available. It costs $10.00).

Escape from personal misery

This is the follow up article to Go mad with Dr Johnson. If you haven't read that one yet then best to read it here before returning to this page.

The core problem with Johnson was that he was dominated by his ego. I have written quite a bit about the ego before on this blog. The fundamental problem with the ego is that it is based on a sense that we are lacking in something (love, intelligence, security, success, approval, etc). So the ego is always driving us on to prove ourselves in some way - a never-ending search that is exhausting because the ego is never satisfied. The problem is compounded by the delusion that the ego - with its habitual thoughts, demands, duties, and obligations; its isolation and loneliness; its conviction that it alone knows the 'truth' - is the Self. But the ego is not who you are. You are the spirit that lives through Bodymind and is grounded in the now. Your ego was just something you set up on the rebound from other people.

In Johnson's case his ego was dominated by three ideas:

That he was a freak (from childhood he was hideously disfigured by facial scars and most likely he also had Tourette's syndrome). 

That he was an outcast (he was forced to leave Oxford University due to poverty)

That he had to be wiser than everybody else.

The result was that he spent his life secretly loathing himself and using his brilliant mind to dominate other people. But the net result was that he grew more and more lonely, more and more self-judgmental, and more and more depressed.

In Reverse Therapy I work every day with people who are trapped in personal misery. Sometimes that unhappiness is linked to external events: death, separation, illness, redundancy, abuse, conflict, etc. Even so, I try to teach my clients that you can remain positive, self-nurturing, outgoing and self-accepting even while you are dealing with adversity. Not to mention grounded, working with emotional intelligence, and striving to live in the now.

In my view the troubles of life are not the cause of personal misery. That is shown by the fact that many people have come through terrible circumstances but remain cheerful, optimistic and an inspiration to others (think Nelson Mandela).

The main cause of personal suffering is that we are trapped in the ego. If this is so then the solution is to escape from the ego. I have already described how people can achieve this in a previous article - Downsizing the ego but I will add a few more points to what I wrote there:

Try to see life as a game which you play for the pleasure of doing so, not to prove anything to others.

Don't take yourself too seriously. Laugh at yourself, often.

Whatever your bananas are - do the opposite.

Don't dwell on past experiences.

Keep your focus on other people, not on yourself.

Experiment with new personalities. Don't settle for one way of being.

Always tell the truth. Only the ego lies.

Nurture your Personal Genius - it is the antidote for small-mindedness.

Practice Awareness - always.

Are YOU a self-actualizer?

The only Psychologist I have ever really admired - Abraham Maslow - was born 100 years ago next month.

For Maslow, most psychologists studied the wrong kind of animal. If they weren't playing games with rats, monkeys and pigeons then (like Freud) they were examining people who were ill, depressed, anxious or psychotic.

Surely, said Abe, Psychology should focus, firstly on human beings, and secondly on the small number of human beings who were vital, creative, warm, inspiring and truly alive people?

When we know how these people got that way then we can start to teach other people how to do the same. The result would be a Psychology that contributed to the evolution of the human race.

In Reverse Therapy we teach people that the way to overcome anxiety, depression and stress (as well as stress-related illnesses) is not to focus on the problems created by those mind-states but to work on creating new mind-states that are emotionally-satisfying and forward-looking.

Maslow once defined therapy as 'a search for value'. Meaning that your emotional health depends on engaging in the work, relationships and and personal interests that inspire you the most and which give you opportunities to release your personal genius.

People who are high on the scale of personal evolution are activating their full personal potential. Once they establish their basic needs for things like food and shelter, a sufficient income, love, family ties, friendships, and education, they are ready to take that final step towards self-actualization.

Maslow studied the writings and letters and biographies of historical self-actualizers. People like Albert Einstein, William James, Goethe, Pablo Casals and Abraham Lincoln. He also carried out an observational study of 12 self-actualizers who volunteered for the research project. Most of these were people in ordinary walks of life.

Here is what he discovered. The list below shows their most common characteristics:

1. A capacity for wonder. Continually marveling at people, nature, new discoveries.
2. Great sense of humour. Able to laugh at themselves as well as with others.
3. Solution-focused. Looked at what was achievable rather than what could not be changed.
4. Independent. Not dependent on other people. Thought for themselves. Resisted conformity.
5. Comfortable with solitude and enjoyed their own company.
6. Deep friendships. Avoided shallowness and preferred a few close relationships rather than a network of acquaintances.
7. Humility. Did not see themselves as superior to others and did not pretend to be a 'guru'.
8. Creative. This covered a wide range, from those who enjoyed making things, those who played music, wrote or painted, to great creative artists and leaders.
9. Ethical. A strong sense of values, with a deep horror of hurting or exploiting others, and a wish to help those less fortunate.
10. Spontaneous. Maslow noticed a child-like, simple, mischievous, unpredictable quality in most of those he studied.

The most important finding, however, was that self-actualizers regularly reported having what Maslow later on called 'Peak Experiences' - moments of spiritual connection, intense joy, or god-like awareness. I will write about these in a later blog.

Do you fit any of these criteria?

Quotes from Abraham Maslow:

'If you deliberately plan on being less than you are capable of being, then I warn you that you'll be unhappy for the rest of your life'.

'The ability to be in the present moment is a major component of mental wellness'.

'We fear to know the fearsome and unsavory aspects of ourselves, but we fear even more to know the godlike in ourselves'.

'All the evidence that we have indicates that it is reasonable to assume in practically every human being, and certainly in almost every newborn baby, that there is an active will toward health, an impulse towards growth, or towards self-actualization'.

Abraham Maslow 1908-1970