Self-help books are now an $8 billion industry in the United States.
The bad news is that most of them don't work. And some could make you still more unhappy if all you get at the end of your read is another fantasy.
Its those disappointed hopes that explain why self-help advice can be so addictive. We think: one day I will work it all out in my head. Then, but only then, I will be happy, rich, sexy, famous, connected to God...etc. And then we start getting obsessional about time management, goal-sheets, thoughts of the day...
The fault in most self-help books is that they work with theories, ideals and stories rather than with real life. Which, of course, is why they defeat their own purpose - if all you are doing is reading about it. Yet even the techniques can take you down the wrong path.
Visualising success, for example - a common self-help technique - won't work unless you actually have a workable plan of action, that your Bodymind passion supports your goals, and you are whole-heartedly ready to pay the price for pursuing your goal.
Positive thinking - another life-saver for the self-help gurus - merely replaces one thought with another - now why would that make any difference? Telling myself that I am a wonderful person won't work if other people who know me better keep telling me the opposite. If all I want is their good opinion then I am going to have to do something to earn it. Self-delusionary re-programming won't help me in any way with that.
Then there is the concept of 'personal power' - the belief that we
can achieve all we want with enough 'will' or 'determination'. Er - no
- we also need other people, favorable circumstances, personal sacrifice, and a little bit of luck to succeed. We also need a unique talent - and persuasiveness - which is why nearly all the successful people I have actually met (excluding inherited wealth) have had charm in abundance. While I am on that subject, I recommend that anyone who wants to be happier should work on just being kind to people.
Successful people are good at noticing the difference between opportunities that might work and no-brainers that are a waste of time. They have a feel for these things simply because they are tuned into their emotions and intuitions about people. They don't need books to show them that.
The most harmful impact these books have is to create the conditions for yet more failure. The implicit message is that if you are not happy, rich, healthy, successful, and popular (like the blissful author on the front cover), then you
must have something wrong with you. So you end up thinking guilty and giving up. Or else buying another self-help book on the list so that you can finally 'get it right'.
Readers of this blog will know that I am continually telling people that there is nothing wrong with you. That the only thing you need to work on is being more child-like, more simple, more honest, more accepting of who you are, more willing to live in the moment, more authentic, and more daring when it comes to exercising your personal genius.
Books just get in the way of all that.





