Reverse Thinking

Schopenhauer - a philosophy for grumpy people?

In my last article - Can feeling grumpy be good for you? I mentioned one of my favourite philosophers - Arthur Schopenhauer - who was a grumpy old man already by the age of 19. I first read him at 15 and developed a 'bah humbug' attitude which was delicious and self-indulgent while it lasted although I no longer think it is clever - or even profound - to be pessimistic about life. Even so, I still think that Schopenhauer possessed a genius for philosophy. (He also wrote a lot about sex).

Here are a few gems:

After your death you will be what you were before       your birth.    

Everyone takes the limit of his own field of vision for the limit of the world.

The conscious mind may be regarded as a kind of parasite of the organism, a pensioner, as it were, who dwells within the body.

If you want to know your true opinion of someone, watch the effect produced in you by the sight of a letter/email from that person.

The two enemies of human happiness are pain and boredom.

We forfeit three-fourths of ourselves in order to be like other people.

Console yourself by remembering that the world doesn't deserve your affection.

Change alone is eternal, perpetual, immortal.

There is no absurdity so obvious but that it may be firmly planted in the human head if you only begin to introduce it before the age of five, by constantly repeating it with an air of great solemnity.

The closing years of life are like a masquerade party, when the masks are dropped.

Compassion is the basis of all morality.

Wicked thoughts and worthless efforts gradually set their mark on the face, especially the eyes.

The greatest of mistakes is to sacrifice health for any other kind of reward.

There is no doubt that life is given us, not to be enjoyed, but to be overcome.

In my next article I will write about the advantages - and disadvantages - of pessimism for life.

Can feeling grumpy be good for you?

I receive a mischievous communication from my very good friend Mark McGuinness who wants me to comment on a research article he has looked into, written by some 'Australian psychologists', which claims that being in a 'bad mood' can be 'good' for you.

Now, some of my best experiences in life have been prompted by my 'bad' moods. With the aid of those I have got rid of countless annoying relationships, irritating jobs and pointless activities. So my first thought was that - yet again - a bunch of overpaid academics were being subsidised to announce discoveries most of us learned in primary school. And that Mark had forgotten our many rambling midnight conversations about emotions and the meaning of life.

Yet I realised immediately that these gorgeous, Bondi-beach seeking academics have made yet another category mistake: While bad moods can, indeed, be 'good', those are not the same as 'bad emotions'.

To remind you: there is no such thing as a bad emotion. Emotions are an expression of Bodymind
intelligence. A mood is different. It is a  Headmind attitude. It expresses a relationship between our attitudes and the world as we find it. You can read more about moods here.

A grumpy mood, for me, is a relationship based on suspicion. It means that I no longer trust that experiences, situations, people, or the Lord God himself are doing me any favours. And that, in turn, is a cue that I need to revise my trusting attitude towards these entities. I need to retreat, stand-off, complain, and have a moan. I may even need to disengage - permanently.

So yes - a grumpy mood can be good for you if it helps you get rid of your intellectual garbage.

The funny thing is that I actually find grumpy moods enjoyable. Entraining my suspicion and pessimism on the planet gives me a god-like sense of detachment and playfulness. It also gives me a playground for wit.

Rather like one of my favourite philosophers - Arthur Schopenhauer - who once wrote:

"If we were not all so interested in ourselves, life would be so uninteresting that none of us would be able to endure it."

Come to think of it, Schopenhauer deserves an article all to himself, so I will write that next.

Effective Thinking V

This is the last in the series on the Effective Thinking Test.

This time we are discussing your answers to questions 22-28.

If you have not already taken the test then please take it here before reading this article.

Questions:

22.It's best to be honest about how I feel, even if it means jeopardising the relationship.

Ineffective Thinking: False

Effective Thinking: True

Headminds addicted to worry fantasize about the disasters that might happen if people are honest. Non-worriers are more concerned with engaging in emotionally real, up-to-the-moment honest, relationships.

23. I tend to give up if I struggle when learning something new.

Ineffective Thinking: True

Effective Thinking: False

Ineffective thinking is based on the over-generalization that I am stupid, helpless and unable to progress. So the moment a set-back occurs Headmind starts repeating the 'it's no use trying' script'. When Headmind is connected to your passion it automatically cues you to get help, experiment with your learning strategies, or leave that problem for now and come back to it later.

24. I rarely worry about what other people think of me

Ineffective Thinking: False

Effective Thinking: True

What other people think of you is unimportant - period (what other people feel about you is another matter). Badly adjusted Headminds waste time on how you look to other people instead of focusing on what you like, what you want and what you want to do next.

25. I am a likable person.

Ineffective Thinking: False

Effective Thinking: True

Of course you are a likable person (unless you have decided you would rather intimidate people and be nasty). Your likability manifests through your natural empathy for, interest in, and practical kindness towards others.

Even if you don't practice doing these things on a regular basis that doesn't make you unlikable. That mistake is based on jealousy - delusional comparisons between yourself and others.

26. If I am under pressure I make it a priority to take more time out for myself every day

I often get clients in Reverse Therapy telling me that focusing on their own need for privacy, love, prayer, recreation, or 'me-time' is somehow selfish. I sometimes reply by quoting the New Testament, Matthew, Chapter 14, which relates what Christ did after feeding the Five Thousand:

And straightway Jesus constrained his disciples to get into a ship, and to go before him unto the other side, while he sent the multitudes away.

And when he had sent the multitudes away, he went up into a mountain apart to pray: and when the evening was come, he was there alone.

Enough said? If Christ needed time out from his mission then we can certainly do with some ourselves.

27. To be happy it helps if you are successful, wealthy or attractive

Another Headmind fantasy. Having worked with quite a few famous, successful, wealthy and physically beautiful clients I can tell you that many of them are not happy people. Quite the opposite. Meanwhile, the very few genuinely happy people I have met have very few personal needs, spend a lot of their time looking after other people, and try to live one day at a time. Oh - and they also tend to be self-actualizers.

28. I avoid confronting people as it is just too uncomfortable for me.

Ineffective Thinking: True

Effective Thinking: False

This is another (slightly) trick question. Readers who have read my article on Reverse Assertiveness will recall that confronting people doesn't work. It puts people on the defensive, ensures you don't get heard and may lose you friends (one reason why some Assertiveness trainings are know as courses on 'Loneliness preparation').

But confronting isn't assertiveness and it is ineffective to believe that being honest is the same as being aggressive.

And cowardice isn't effective either because it simply postpones the problem for another day.

Image by Jaci Berkopec

Effective Thinking IV

This is the last but one in the series on the Effective Thinking Test.

This time we are discussing your answers to questions 15-21.

If you have not already taken the test then please take it here before reading this article.

Questions:

15. I dislike taking risks.

Ineffective Thinking: True

Effective Thinking: False

Headmind is typically lazy and prefers to remain in an imaginary comfort zone instead of trying something new. This tunnel-vision policy means that nothing new is ever learned and the available emotional rewards become fewer and fewer.

16. The best thing to do with worries is ignore them.

Ineffective Thinking: False

Effective Thinking: True

See my article on Worry for the reasons why the right answer is 'True'.

17. It's not selfish to focus on my own wellbeing.

Ineffective Thinking: False

Effective Thinking: True

Note that the question doesn't ask you whether it's selfish to focus on your own wellbeing at the expense of other people. Just whether you should focus on your own. 

The point here is that if you don't focus on your own wellbeing from time to time then your intellectual, emotional and physical health is going to be weak. This makes it less likely that you will be able to look after others. Failure to see this obvious reasoning is one sign that your Headmind is full of bananas.

18. Most mental health problems need professional treatment.

Ineffective Thinking: True

Effective Thinking: False

Ineffective thinking assumes that other people know more about your problems - and their 'cure' - than you do yourself. Effective Thinkers tend to be suspicious of gurus - quacks, spiritualists, and psychologists - and prefer to find independent solutions. When they do consult a therapist it tends to be for advice, self-healing and problem-solving rather than 'cure'.

19. Only weak people ask for advice from others

Ineffective Thinking: True

Effective Thinking: False

Some forms of Headmind delusion equate 'strength' with 'do everything myself'. Effective Thinkers are more goal-focused. They do whatever it takes to achieve their aims. They do not go along with the ego-driven idea that they need to look like superwomen.

20. We should always try to better ourselves.

Ineffective Thinking: True

Effective Thinking: False

This is a bit of trick question for regular readers of this blog. Some of you might have got the idea that I am trying to help people 'improve' themselves.

Far from it. I would like it more if people gave up trying to 'better' themselves (which is really a social game) and instead focused on becoming more like who they truly are. 

That way you will let your personal genius out.

21. I never panic

Ineffective Thinking: True

Effective Thinking: False

Panic is a pathological state created by Headmind when it worries or indulges in disaster movies.

Effective thinkers see through this tendency and either switch off from panicky thinking or divert it towards something more useful.

Effective Thinking III

This is a continuation in the series on the Effective Thinking Test.

This time we are discussing questions 8-14.

Please do take the test before reading this article.

Questions:

8. I am envious of some people.

Ineffective Thinking: True

Effective Thinking: False

Effective people can never be envious of anyone since they are too busy making the most of their own talents! One kind of ineffective thinking that can be very disempowering is to make (negative) comparisons between yourself and others. This kind of self-judgment often leads to powerlessness and guilt. Both of which get in the way of self-actualization.

9. What we think of as 'the past' is largely a fiction

Ineffective Thinking: False

Effective Thinking: True

Effective thinkers rarely think about the past, period. They prefer to live in the now. If they catch Headmind venturing there they are suspicious of its tendency to use selective memories to exaggerate the good moments as well as the misfortunes, lost opportunities and mistakes. Guilt and self-pity may follow not far behind.

10. Some of the things I have done are unforgivable

Ineffective Thinking: True

Effective Thinking: False

Headmind, when it is not working well, likes to go on guilt trips. The more lurid they are the better, as it reinforces the  ego-driven idea that we are more evil than others and, therefore, unique in some way. Dwelling on guilt also indulges in one of its favourite pastimes - living in the past. Even if we have, in fact, done terrible things, dwelling on them does no good. It merely prevents us from acting on the emotion of remorse - and making amends.

11. When I am angry I make my point quietly

Ineffective Thinking: False

Effective Thinking: True

This is a bit of a trick question as regular readers of the Reverse Thinking blog will know that I see anger as healthy, useful and purposeful. So careless readers might have jumped to the conclusion that I am encouraging them to express rage. Which is a very different thing: very loud and very destructive.

Bodymind expresses anger as a 'hot' emotion. Not because it wants us to be confrontational; merely because it is injecting urgency. It needs you and I to be quick about standing up for our right to be treated fairly.

You are much more likely to succeed if you make your point quietly and objectively. For more thoughts on this see my article on Reverse Assertiveness.

12. There is something wrong with people who cannot cry.

Ineffective Thinking: False

Effective Thinking: True

This is commonly a male Headmind fallacy. Many of us were brought up on the John Wayne model of functioning in which only women gave way to emotions, while men who did so were classed as weak, effeminate and pitiable.

Crying has a cleansing function and is used by Bodymind to:

• Draw personal attention to sadness
• Signal for help from others
• Eject toxins from the organism

13. We cannot shake off the influence of our childhood.

Ineffective Thinking: True

Effective Thinking: False

This type of wrong thinking comes from Sigmund Freud's influence. The basic assumption (for which there is little evidence) is that our basic personality is largely formed during experiences in early childhood. So 'bad' experiences mean we are doomed to remain neurotics (unless (a) we undergo psychoanalysis, (b) the therapist is any good and (c) it actually works.

Effective thinkers tend not to believe what they told by psychotherapists, the newspapers or the BBC. They also have a focus on living in the moment, in Bodymind, responding to the emotions Bodymind uses to signal action in the now. They also know that when Headmind concocts stories about the past that don't have to be taken seriously.

14. It's unrealistic to be calm all the time.

Ineffective Thinking: True

Effective Thinking: False

'Calm' is the state of being at ease with oneself, cutting out worry, remaining grounded in the moment, and living in the Body.

It might be hard to work at these things but it's certainly not unrealistic!

15. I dislike taking risks.

Ineffective Thinking: True

Effective Thinking: False

Headminds addicted to worry dislike risks for that reason. It takes them out of an imaginary comfort zones in which things appear 'safe' the less you do. The problem with this type of thinking is that the comfort zones gets bigger and bigger and the dangers more and more daunting. Eventually, the person ends up going one of two ways: a) into a life of anxiety and dread, or b) into a closed, stifling lifestyle in which nothing much happens.

Either way leads straight to boredom, stress, and non-specific illness

Effective thinking II

Last time out on this blog I republished the Effective Thinking Test.

This time out I am going to be discussing your answers.

Please don't read this article until you have completed the test for yourself.

Having taken the test, you will recall that you were asked to answer 'True' or 'False' to each question.

Here are my comments on the right answers to each question for the first seven questions. Comments for the next seven answers will follow on Monday.

Questions:

1. You can't change the way you are.

Ineffective Thinking: True
Effective Thinking: False

Effective thinkers know that some words can be dangerous and so they avoid words like 'you', 'people' or 'personality' because words like this are too vague or abstract to be useful. Effective thinking also focuses what you can do and how you can do it, rather than denials that disempower and discourage.

2. It's natural to get stressed when things don't go the way you want them to.

Ineffective Thinking: True
Effective thinking: False

Effective thinkers don't see 'stress' as a natural state. When things don't go the way they expect they either adapt to the new situation or (if that is difficult) avoid worry by focusing the attention on better things.

3. It's ok to be angry when people insult you.

Ineffective Thinking: False
Effective Thinking: True

Effective thinkers are clued up about emotions and see anger as a Bodymind signal that it is time to practice assertiveness (without being confrontational about it).

4. I tend to worry a lot.

Ineffective Thinking: True
Effective Thinking: False

Effective thinkers don't worry. Period.

You can read more about why worry is both useless and bad for you here.

5. I am frequently under pressure of time.

Ineffective Thinking: True
Effective thinking: False

If you are frequently running behind time then you are not using your mind to plan ahead, organise your day, say 'no', get help, or give yourself a break. Here's another article I wrote about time management, along with a free book, here.

6. People should not let their emotions influence their judgments.

Ineffective Thinking: True
Effective Thinking: False

It is insane to imagine that you can make any kind of judgment without an emotion behind it. Bodymind uses emotions to guide us towards making decisions that are aligned with our personal needs and perceptions. Our decisions can never be completely objective; they are based on our desires, too.

7. It's not 'heartless' to move on quickly after a bereavement.

When we lose someone close to us Bodymind releases the emotion of sadness. When Headmind is on the ball it recognises that sadness is a signal for us to a) honour the memory of the person we have lost, b) move closer to the other people around us in order to fill the hole, and c) let go of the other person and move on to new sources of love and fulfilment. There are more of my thoughts on grief and bereavement here.

First image by Elizabeth Welsh

Second image by by Wonderlane

Effective Thinking

We have now revised and updated the Thinking Skills test in response to feedback from readers.

You can retake the test right here.

In the next post I will be reviewing your answers to the questions. 

When taking the test please be aware that many of the questions require careful reading and thinking before you answer! There is no time limit!

As a general rule, you are aiming to get at least 21 questions (75%) right in order to consider yourself as a reasonably effective thinker!

More on this soon.

Image by magnetbox