Reverse Thinking

You can't afford the luxury of a worry

According to a survey published by Mr Really Worried on his blog the average Briton spends 2 hours and fifteen minutes worrying, which adds up to 34 days a year. Don't forget - that's only an average figure - which means that at least 29 million people on these islands are doing a lot more worrying than that.

Worry creates Anxiety, which in turn leads to wear and tear on your body, as it attempts to adapt to the increased strain that Headmind has created for you. The result? Stress-related illnesses like:

• Stomach ulcers
• Heart disease
• Insomnia
• Irritable Bowel Syndrome
• Colitis
• Chronic Fatigue Syndrome
• Rheumatoid Arthritis
• Depression
• Gastric reflux
• Migraine
• Eczema
• Psoriasis
• Fibromyalgia

As well as a host of other diseases that stem from the alcohol, tobacco and drugs that people may use to mask the effects of anxiety.

I am not necessarily saying that Stress causes these illnesses. It could just be that it amplifies them. But the conclusion is the same: each and every time you worry you damage your health.

I am sometimes asked, by chronic worriers I have met: 'What is the difference between a problem and a worry? Most of the things that bother me aren't worries - they are real-life disasters!'

The answer is that a problem is a concern which you can do something about. A worry is a delusional state in which Headmind conjures up a horrific state of affairs that is seemingly going to happen in the future (but rarely does). For example: you may be suffering financially from the credit crunch. The related problem could be that you now need to reduce your debt and you could do that by talking to your bank manager, reducing your spending, talking things over with your partner, searching for another job, etc. A worry might be that you might end up in poverty, or in prison, or on the streets. Dangerous words create nightmares.

If you worry you will immediately become anxious, jittery, agitated. You won't be able to think straight and you will be dominated by a panicky inner voice. You may also feel nauseous, tense and upset.

If you catch yourself in one of these states, here's what you do:

1. Get up quickly and go to another room, or get out of the building
2. While you doing that shout 'STOP' as loud as you can inside your head - or press the STOP button on the 'tape recorder' inside your head
3. Recall a moment in your life when you dealt with problems in a good way. 'Ask' the 'You' in this recalled state a question: 'Is this a Problem or am I just letting Worry take over?'
4. If the answer is that it is a Problem then 'ask' yourself 'What one small thing can I do now to act on this?' (Remember, if there is no action you can take, the it is a worry, not a problem)
5. If the answer from your better self is that it is a Worry then immediately go and do something that occupies your full attention in an enjoyable way. I especially recommend doing something physically strenous that raises endorphins

There is additional advice from me on what to do about worries here and here.

'If you believe that feeling bad or worrying long enough will change a past or future event, then you are residing on another planet with a different reality system.'

William James

The end of the world

I saw 4 clients last week who reported with anxiety symptoms due to reading/watching/hallucinating the news about the credit crunch.

Remember, Headmind - like the newspapers, makes money out of bad news. You don't have to go there if you don't want to.

Click on to learn more about how to make Headmind work for you and eliminate worries.

I counsel all my readers not to read newspapers, or watch BBC doomsters who are merely adding to the daily panic.

If you haven't managed to get Headmind back under control yet then here are a few jokes that might help your sense of humor. They were sent to me by a reader in the City of London.

• CEO - Chief Embezzlement Officer.
• CFO - Corporate Fraud Officer.
• Bull Market - A random market in which a trader who talks a lot thinks he is a financial genius.
• Bear Market - A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
• Broker - Your new life in a nutshell.
• Stock split - When your partner and his/her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
• Cash flow - The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet, fast.
• Financial Advisor - Someone who is now receiving psychiatric treatment for persistent delusions

Image by Mike Licht,...

Feel the fear and do it anyway

After I wrote about Why Self-Help Books Don't Work I received two emails from readers asking if there were any self-help books I did like.

If we define 'self-help' as advice on how to flirt, make money, be famous, etc then, I don't think any of them work, with one exception - Susan Jeffers' book 'Feel the Fear and do it Anyway'.

The books I really like are what I call 'wisdom books' - ones that help you see your way through life more clearly. Here's a short list:

• The Four Agreements. Don Miguel Ruiz
• Awareness. Anthony de Mello
• Everyday Zen. Charlotte Joko Beck.
• There is Nothing Wrong With You. Cheri Huber.
• The Consolations of Philosophy. Alain de Botton.
• The Happiness Hypothesis. Jonathan Haidt.

Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway shows you how to beat anxiety. It is based on an astonishingly simple idea that works: whatever your worries are, ignore them. And get on with doing whatever it is you want to do.

Jeffers uses the word 'fear' when I think she should use the word 'worry'. The examples she gives in the book relate to anxiety rather than fear.

Fear is a useful emotion which keeps you away from danger; worry is a useless head-mind state that keeps you trapped in 'what-if' thinking.

No matter, the method still works. I found that out about sixteen years ago when I got into financial trouble and would spend weeks worrying about going bankrupt. Instead of doing something about it I would waste time day-dreaming about the disasters of the future. What was worse, worry stopped me from taking risks and I would say 'no' to projects that could make money later but would take time to mature.

Interestingly, Susan Jeffers describes how worries are passed on by the 'Chatterbox' - the frightening inner voice that belongs to what we call 'Headmind'.

The moment I stopped listening to the Chatterbox, I called the bank and arranged a bigger overdraft and got on with my work. I barely noticed it when, months, later, we returned to solvency - I was too busy getting on with life. But it was a useful lesson learned that I later on applied to Reverse Therapy.

'Pushing through fear is less frightening than living with the underlying fear that comes from a feeling      of helplessness.' Susan Jeffers

Letting go of your internal control freak

Readers of this blog will know that I am usually puzzled by the way in which Headmind - the intellect - constantly goes wrong. Engulfing us in worry, guilt, perfectionism, do-goodery, paranoia and obsessions of various kinds. It's a continuing mystery to me that conscious minds keep going wrong in that way.

Triggering stress, illness, burnout and breakdown.

One huge problem I notice with people who have Stress is that they are usually being driven nuts by their Internal Control Freak. Which often manifests as a semi-conscious inner voice that vetoes any activity that looks remotely like taking them out of their comfort zone. I sometimes call this freak 'the imp on your shoulder'.

My good friend Kathleen Haden - who also happens to be a gifted practitioner of Reverse Therapy recently told me a story about one of her clients, who found a great way to silence the imp.

Kathleen's client was working with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, and her Internal Control Freak was giving her a really hard time with it's do-nothing philosophy.

For example, it would tell her:

• It was too risky to be honest with her partner because he might leave her.
• Too scary to go back to work - she wouldn't be able to cope.
• Not worth bothering to go for a night out in case she had a 'relapse'.
  

So Kathleen instructed her to let go of 'The Need to Know'. Because none of us can predict what is going to happen next, and if she could let go of Headmind's need to predict, control, and run away from, the future, she would be able to go with the flow, taking each moment, and each challenge, as it came up.

Come the next session and the client tells her:

" Kathleen....I've been letting go of 'the need to know' and my symptoms have gone!"

The client had simply been practicing Awareness - and, since she was busy keeping her attention on the Now, she had effectively sidelined her internal control freak. And when she did that she reduced stress. And when she did that her Bodymind turned off the symptoms it had been using to warn her to stop stressing out.

You can't fight the imp, or try to argue with it (like Cognitive Therapists try to do). Nor should you try and 'reason' with it. For the simple reason that the Control Freak is impervious to argument. It is only interested in power.

Each time you listen to, or argue with, or obey the freak you feed it with more power. So don't bother. Just direct your attention elsewhere. And when the imp realises you aren't listening anymore, it will shut up.

"When a control freak loses control all you are left with is the freak."

Anonymous British Government Minister on Gordon Brown.

Person Kathleen Haden

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Why worry?

A few days ago I went into hospital and was told I have a tumour inside the ear. At this moment I don't know whether it is malignant or not. We will only find that out after I have had the surgery.

The surprising thing, for me, is I haven't worried about it at all. That's weird because, for years, I would worry about anything and everything. I even used to worry about the fact that I was worrying so much. Now I don't even worry about cancer.

Worry, as far as I am concerned, is a thing of the past. In fact, I can't worry. It's too difficult for me to do now because I have re-programmed my brain not to.

Here's how you can do the same.

First, understand that worries are not real. They are fictions about the future. Your Mind makes them up either as 'disaster movies', 'horror stories', or 'head-tapes'. It was long ago established that over 90% of the events we worry about either never materialize or are greatly exaggerated. Make a decision not to watch or listen to a single worry ever again.

Second, understand that worrying is a form of conditioning. Very young children do not worry - they are trained to worry by the adults around them. You can reverse that conditioning.

Third, understand that worry serves no purpose and is in fact useless. Some people think worry helps them solve problems. It doesn't. It just creates anxiety and adds to the problem. Real problem-solving has nothing to do with worry.

Fourth, understand that you aren't going to be punished when you are happy, well, loved, successful, or prosperous. Some people think 'it is all too good to be true' or 'it'll all end badly some day'. Then they start worrying. The idea that you have to 'earn' your happiness by worrying is a superstition.

Fifth, let go of the idea that the solution to worry and stress is to drink, smoke, have sex with strangers, take drugs or go on a shopping binge. These solve nothing and you don't need to do them anyway. All you need to do is learn how to stop worrying.

Sixth, understand that worrying is itself an addiction. The more you worry, the more anxious you will get. Then Headmind notices you are anxious and starts worrying again, in a vicious, unnecessary, circle.

Here are the solutions:

1. Distinguish between problems and worries. Problems are things that are happening now, not in the future. If it hasn't happened yet, it's not a problem. Problems are solved by checking the facts, getting advice, experimenting with solutions, and patience. Not worry.

2. When you catch yourself worrying, run the worry again in your mind, this time using the voice of an idiot. That could be Homer Simpson, it could be a politician, or it could be someone you actually know. Run it until you laugh, get bored with it, or get angry at its nonsense.

3. As soon as you hear this idiotic mind-tape or one of its ridiculous films STOP wasting time on it and immediately do something that occupies your full attention. Vigorous physical exercise, or shouting, dancing, singing and laughing are all good to do.

4. Procrastination. If the worry won't go away then write it down and then put it in away in a drawer, promising yourself you'll look at it in a few days. Then forget about it. I used to do this myself. Looking at those scraps of paper a week later, I couldn't remember what the hell most of them were about.

5. Worry periods. If they are still insistent then hold 10 minute 'worry periods' each day until you get bored with them. This method works on reverse effort. What you do is to work very hard to worry. Get yourself worked up abut them. Imagine the most exaggerated, over-the-top, outcomes. Try and make yourself anxious. You will find that this is, in fact, extremely hard to do. Then go off and enjoy the rest of your day.

6. Practice Bodymind awareness. This is a staple of Reverse Therapy. The more time you spend 'in' your body the less time you will have to spend listening to Headmind mischief. It doesn't matter which method you use - Yoga, Tai Chi, Breathing exercises, Self-massage, Feldenkreis, Alexander technique, or just being aware of your feet pushing down on the floor - just do it. Today.